04 April, 2009

The Lucky Day Roulette Bible

Atlantic City, NJ -- The Lucky Day Roulette Bible is here!

Yes folks! There is now no need to worry about whether you are using enough randomness in choosing your Bible reading for the day (or week).

Instead of using the old "flip open the Bible" method or even the "let the Bible fall open" method, why not totally randomize your Bible reading experience and give some of those verses in Genesis and Revelation a better chance?

In searching for guidance for our day, we've all done it. We've thought, "Lord give me a verse," and then flipped open our Bible. Maybe some of us even closed our eyes and dropped our finger on the page in an attempt to receive specific guidance from the Lord for the moment.

But after a few times of doing this, we begin to realize that we can actually aim for certain parts of the New and Old Testament. It's no secret that Psalms is directly in the center of most Bibles. Half way between the center and the end, most can find Matthew. Equipped with this knowledge of the Bible, some individuals are really using their own minds and intellect to choose Bible passages rather than hearing directly from the Lord.

But the Lucky Day Roulette Bible will totally remove your mind from the verse selection process, which must mean the Lord is doing the guiding. By spinning the specially designed roulette wheel 3 times on the front of the Bible, and referring to the easy to follow chart just before Genesis, you are ensured of totally randomizing your choice of the Bible's 31,103 verses (we use the 15 verse version of 3 John).

You may not realize it, but if you do not randomize your Bible verse for the day, your physiology (in other words, your flesh) may be guiding you. "For first timers, the flip open the Bible method actually has a lot to do with the size of the thumb and the left- or right-handedness of the flipper," says Dr. Marla Wiggins, Distinguished Research Statistician at Rutgers University.

"Some have heard the old statistic that if a child is not saved by the time he or she is 12, there is only a 1% chance for salvation in the older years. This statistic is dominated by right-handed children whose thumbs fall directly into the four gospels during the flip open the Bible method. My studies find that left-handed men over 18 with large thumbs actually experience a very high salvation rate," explained Dr. Wiggins.

So why not take your mind and your flesh out of equation? Get your Lucky Day Roulette Bible today!


The Jesting Fool said...

Wow, I didn't realize my Bible-reading method was so influenced by my evil Flesh. No wonder I kept losing my salvation. Starting today, I'm trading my old flipping habits for the Lucky Day Roulette Bible.

Clay said...

Can we get an electronic version with a verse-choosing random number generator that's compatible with Kindle?

madisel said...

If this goes well, we should consider a lot-casting program to choose our next elders. Oh, wait...

swordbearer said...

... had a seminary professor who called it the "flip & dip" method!

Jeff said...

I'm with CLAY - only I want to automatically twitter what I've read so I can combine Bible reading with outreach...

fresnel said...

You guys! You guys!! I have a waaaaay better way to land on the right Bible verses and I use it every day and it always works so I know it's a good way and here it is:

I open up about 12 Bibles (because there were about that many disciples) and lay them all open in a big circle around my bedroom on the floor. Then I turn on my blowdryer and wave them on the Bibles so that the pages have a chance to settle to somewhere I didn't plan for but the Mighty Rushing Wind did.

Then I take a baseball bat and I stand it up in the center of my circle of Bibles.

Then I place my forehead on the top of my bat and start circling round and round and round and round and round until I see the room turn sideways. Wherever my head hits is the page I'm supposed to read that day.

Sometimes when I get able to read again I see that it got kind of bloody on the page I hit on and I like that extra much because that page is "anointed" so it has extra power like those red letter Bibles that are extra true in those spots.

If you'll try my system, I know it will work for you just like it works for me!

arewealmostthereyet said...

It almost seems too good to be true. I really benefitted from what fresnel had to say. But, I wear glasses and keep breaking them using this method. I would really like to hear more helpful suggestions. I think fresnel is really on to somthing.