11 April, 2009

It's All About Ewe Service

Denture, TX -- "The real meaning of Easter is so exciting. I'm so excited, and we want the kids to be excited. We want the parents to be excited that their kids are excited," said Garland Christofsen, senior pastor of Big Toys Assembly, a large church-type group in Denture, Texas.

Christofsen says he wants all children to understand the real meaning of Easter, that's why his "church" is conducting an It's All About Ewe service this Easter Sunday morning in place of the regularly scheduled morning services.

In addition to placing 100,000 plastic eggs in the 15,000 seat sanctuary/auditorium, bonus prizes will include seven 52" Samsung flat panel LCD TVs with a contrast ratio of 35,000:1 and three European vacation packages for a family of 4 (including London, Paris, Berlin, and Rome) valued at $11,800. The grand prize is a Mercedes-Benz R-Class 7-passenger luxury sports utility vehicle.

The phrase of the day is "It's All About Ewe." Parents and children will receive a red ticket each time they find an egg together, look each other in the face, and scream "IT'S ALL ABOUT EWE." Each red ticket enters the child/parent pair into the drawing to receive one of the bonus prizes.

"The Bible says somewhere in the New Testament that Jesus is the Lamb of God," said Pastor Christofsen. "A ewe is a lamb. Get it? Easter is all about Jesus. So, when a kid finds a plastic egg filled with candy and also get a chance at one of our magnificent door prizes by screaming 'It's all about ewe' in his parent's face, they will really be screaming about Jesus, the real meaning of Easter."

Pastor Christofsen hopes that people will not confuse their It's All About Ewe service in Denture, Texas with the Easter Egg Hunt in Denton, Texas scheduled for today. "We would not feel right about having a service that did not focus on Jesus."


Jason said...

funny, and unfortunately it can all be about ewe(you)

fresnel said...

It could be just me but with all the symbolism punctuating this grand event, I think the service should be followed up with a barbecue.

Jim Pemberton said...

Ahh. Theology by pun.

Would saying "It's all about ewe," be a good fellowsheep bleating?

If someone skipped church that day would they be considered to be on the lam? That person would be the escape-goat.

Ahh, the sheer joy of it all.

You know, if it turns out to be a service that really doesn't glorify God, then that pastor is going to feel a bit sheepish.

I do have a contention about one of the gifts. Given the theme, should the vehicle not be a Dodge Ram?

If a family misses an egg and it is found out, the family that found it should shout to the family that missed it, "Passover!" And the family that missed it should declare to them, "It's all about ewe too!"

If a family forsakes searching for an egg in one pew because they ascertain that there are more eggs in another row, this should be called a "sacrifice".

After the service, the eggs could be used for another game: The Egg Wool.

This is great. One could start a church of pun-theology.

Brother Slawson said...


You should get an honorary doctorate (sheepskin) for that one.