14 April, 2009

Extraordinary, Amazing, Outstanding, Fabulous Women and Their God Conference

CHICAGO, IL - Inspired by other women-focused get-togethers, a new conference will be heading our way in October of this year. The Extraordinary, Amazing, Outstanding, Fabulous Women and Their God Conference (EAOFWATGC) will be held in Chicago at the United Center from the 15th to the 17th. The purpose of this conference will be to look at how many ways God has made women to be the amazing creatures they are.

According to EAOFWATGC spokesperson Tammy Gelf, "We want to take some time out to focus on the extraordinary creatures that God has made us. We will have speakers and sessions that specifically discuss our being made in the image of God, our capacity for good, our ability to be holy, our capacity to give birth, our potential to be role models, and our gift to our husbands of being a Proverbs 31 wife."

We at TBNN inquired as to whether or not God would be the focus of this self-described Christian conference. Ms. Gelf responded, "Of course. We will begin with an opening prayer, thanking God for making us the absolutely incredible creatures we are. After that, our great line-up of speakers will begin. Although all the speakers have not yet been named, I'll tell you a few: Victoria Osteen, Paula White, Joyce Meyer, and author Karen Kingsbury. We thought about asking Ann Graham Lotz, but we were afraid she might mention sin or something like that. What we want is for the ladies who attend to leave this place excited about who they are. God has made us fabulous creatures. We should be excited about that!"


Phil Walker said...

Well, women thanking God for making them women is progress, of a sort: first-century Jewish men, so the pulpit urban legend has it, used to thank God that he had not made them women.

Darrin said...

Break out the Celtic violins and the DaVinci Code! O what goddesses!

fresnel said...

I think it's totally lucky this idea wasn't birthed at my PCA church. If it had, it would have turned into a total sheep beating conference called "Ugly hearts, fading blooms (but thank God, He loves wretched us anyway!) conference"

Somewhere between total self stroking love festing and self immolation is a reality: God hugely loved Earth's teaming millions (now billions) and imparts both life and value by drawing the lost into Himself.

To try to balance a conference about a Christian's worth with splashes of "Just don't forget about your sin!" is not much better than balance a sheep beating conference with "Just remember God loves bloody ol' ewe anyway!"

It's not a question of balance; it's a question of core identity. If one's identity is drawn from being immersed into the Body of Christ, then the sin one commits is a scandalous discord to one's true new identity. Christian growth then is a matter of better tuning and playing within the symphony of the Son (plus growing the orchestra and learning to know the Conductor).

Jim Pemberton said...

I bet for many this would be the greatest thing since the 1993 Re-Imagining Conference. Yi!

Reformed Catholic said...

I really enjoyed reading the satire, and had just swallowed some Coca-Cola, when I got to this line:
We thought about asking Ann Graham Lotz, but we were afraid she might mention sin or something like that.I was so glad I had swallowed the Coke, as I don't have a keyboard protector on this laptop !!