18 March, 2009

TBNN Finally Faces the Music

For over two years now, TBNN has been poking fun at various religious groups. This satire is designed to be good fun. On a few occasions we may have gone a bit too far, but generally speaking it was mostly silliness with some truth mixed in.

Unfortunately, there are those readers who struggle with the concept of satire. Some even get angry at us. What compels them to keep reading and commenting we do not know.

Being fair-minded folk, we at TBNN wanted to give some of the groups who have been on the receiving end of our satire a shot back at us. Thus, we held a forum at a local university and let them make us face the music. One person from each disgusted group was allowed to speak.

The edited transcript (profanity removed from the atheists) reads as follows. The groups are listed in alphabetical order to help you better find whomever you are searching for:

Arminians: "You focus only on the passages that say 'elect' and 'predestine.' Yes, you have the bulk of the biblical evidence on your side, but we have John 3:16. What are you going to do about that?"

Atheists: "You always point to the bible. You can't prove God exists. Despite the fact that the fossil record supports your claims, you can't be right because you are ignorant and stupid! ARRGGHH!!!"

Catholics: "You have no tradition, being just two years old. Therefore, you must be wrong."

Charismatics: "You need to go as the Spirit leads. Yes, we can't explain everything we do. No, we don't usually interpret tongues, but we have the Spirit!"

Cults: "We really are Christians, and we have our own special books to prove it"

Emergents: "Relax. Feel the authenticity. Don't think. Enjoy. Kumbaya."

Episcopalians: "We stand for unity. All you do is tear people down. We, unlike you at TBNN, stand united around the idea of unity -- and some immorality amongst our bishops."

Fundamentalists: "We read the bible and we believe what it says. Interpretation is a four letter word. We just believe it. And we don't drink, smoke, chew, or go with girls who do. And our women have to wear dresses and doilies on their heads, and look unhappy, too."

Health-Wealthers: "God wants us to be happy and healthy. The bible tells us so, somewhere."

KJV-onlyers: "You at TBNN are sons of the Devil, always quoting from the ESV. Those Alexandrian texts are straight from the pit of Hell. When you attack the KJV, you attack Christ Himself!"

Liberals: "The bible is just a book written a long time ago...this is a boring discussion that we thought was settled by German theologians back in the 1800's. It's just a book."

Osteeners: "Let's all just smile, be happy, and go home to our warm houses - and disregard things like sin, repentance, and propitiation."

PC-USAers: "Our average age is not 83! It's more like 71."

Postmodernists: "What is this 'absolute truth' business you guys are always talking about? Live as you want, and we'll do what's good for us."

Southern Baptists: "Why all the food jokes?"

After the forum was completed and much anger was vented in our direction, we realized something interesting. No one proved us to be incorrect in anything we said regarding scripture. Many words were thrown around, but no one had a solid exegetical argument. The Arminian representative tried, but he just kept returning over and over to John 3:16.

So, after facing the music, we felt pretty good. Once angry respondents begin to prove us wrong, then we'll hang it up and go elsewhere. Until then, we'll keep serving up good dishes of (remember) satire.


Lane Chaplin said...

LOL The only complaint I have is that the KJVO'er isn't in all caps. :)

Jeff said...

So the MUSIC you had to face turned out to be an unending round of "Just As I AM ...without one plea?"

Love you guys, but what is satire?

UncleChicken said...

Lane Beat me to it. You are obviously making these up 'cuz there woulda been more caps and exclamation points. REPENT of your FOOLISH lies and making up of STORIES AGAINST GOD'S WORD, the AV 1611 KJV that has saved SO MANY (the fruits are AMAZING ...by their fruits ye will know them) and TURN TO JESUS, who died for EVERYONE, including YOU if you will REPENT of YOUR SINS!!!

Robin Harris (ICE Coordinator) said...

Too funny! TBNN totally makes my day!

Derek Ashton said...

This is hilarious! Reminds me of something similar I posted back in December:


I made fun of my own group (Reformed Charismatics) as well as hyper-calvinists, the neo-orthodox, and antinomians. Hey, do you guys ever poke fun at the hypers? Plenty of fodder there, for sure.