13 December, 2008

ACLU Judges Nativity Scene as "Non-Biblical," Drops Lawsuit

Baxter, Tennessee— After a long battle of back and forth name calling, sits-ins, and a news media frenzy the American Civil Liberties Union Foundation on Friday dropped a lawsuit against the small town of Baxter, the county seat of Smith County, Tennessee.

Complaints were first reported to the ACLU-TN on August 24th after Baxter County Courthouse employees erected a nativity and decorated a Christmas tree on the front lawn of the courthouse to begin Christmas celebrations.

“Religious displays in front of homes and churches are protected by the first amendment,” Harry Reasoning, ACLU-TN spokesman, was quoted in local papers in mid-September. “But the courthouse is a governmental property that cannot be used to promote religious beliefs.”

Courthouse clerk Brian Clampett was at the forefront of the battle in support of the display he helped create. In October, Clampett felt threatened by the “outsiders” and was quoted saying, “We don’t need no one coming in here telling us how to do things. I’m the one who made that star, and I hung it up there,” said Clampett pointing to a large mass of star-shaped aluminum suspended from a pin oak with 60lb test line approximately 20 feet above the manger.

Along the way, the battle of words turned physical. One scuffle near the 3 kings' camel holding pen, frightened one camel enough so that it bolted through the railings and remained loose for over three days during the week of Halloween.

But it has all come to an end. The ACLU-TN officially announced on Friday that their research has deemed the nativity scene as “secularized enough.” “After careful research, we have discovered that most scenes on the courthouse lawn can be described more accurately as American tradition than religious in nature,” said Reasoning.

In a written statement, Reasoning explained, “Most scenes have no Biblical support, including (1) Mary’s riding on a donkey, (2) the appearance of an innkeeper, (3) the use of a small feeding trough that is just the right size to hold a baby, (4) the idea that shepherds brought sheep out of the fields to see the baby, (5) the notion that there were only 3 men from the east, (6) the thought that the men from the east were kings wearing crowns, (7) the conclusion that the men from the east saw a baby in a manger, and (8) the speculation that Shrek was one of the wise men. Therefore, given that the scene is largely non-Biblical or religious in nature, we are dropping the lawsuit.”


Lee R. Shelton, III said...

You hit this one out of the park!!!! I've been saying this for years. The average creche scene is not Biblical! Tradition has added much to the Biblical account. Woooo, this one was great!!

IMHO the stable represents the filthy, ugly, smelly evil heart of man. Where else would you find the Lamb of God?

fresnel said...

Well of course that nativity scene is not biblical. I blew up your photo big and lookee what I saw!

You got four really short angels in your photo and they look like women. Who ever said angels was short and feminine? Seems to me, angels usually look just like anybody else, so you don't even know you're with one. Otherwise, they're some scary! Seems like anybody meeting up with an angel and knows it gets scared big time. They terrify people when people see them undisguised. Those angels in your photo wouldn't scare a gnat. Huh!

And what about that plate the baby's laying on? He looks like a main course or something. Too weird.

Jonathan Hunt said...

You forgot #9 - the notion that the wise men were... definately all men!