22 November, 2008

Man Names, Then Claims Double Negative Proverbs 18:24

Baton Rouge, LA -- Bob Westbrook has shown himself friendly for many years. “It’s been too many years,” says Bob. “I have too many friends. I don’t want all these friends. I didn’t ask for all these friends. I don’t need all these friends.”

Bob apparently was born with the friendship trifecta. He’s good looking. He’s generally happy. And he has the #5 friendliest name—Bob, falling just after Ricky at #4. Sandy, Emily, and Barack make up the top 3.

“It’s really a curse more than a blessing,” Bob said jovially, which got a chuckle out of the TBNN crew. “I wasn’t trying to be funny,” Bob attempted to explain when the laughter died down, which lit up the crew once again.

When things calmed down, we learned that Bob plans to take a Name It and Claim It approach to Proverbs 18:24, but in the double negative. "I always heard my grandmother say, ‘If a man wants friends, he should show himself friendly,’ well that’s the trap I fell into. I started showing myself friendly at an early age. It’s a hard habit to break,” said Bob as he received several nods of compassionate understanding from the small crowd that began to gather.

Bob now hopes that by showing an attitude of unfriendliness, he can reduce the friendships. “I’m claiming Proverbs 18:24 in the double negative-- If a man doesn’t want friends, he should show himself unfriendly. Mathematically, two negatives make a positive. It just makes sense to me that if I don’t want so many friends, I can start being unfriendly.” TBNN intern Shelly thought the idea was brilliant. As she was expressing to Bob her admiration, she was interrupted by TBNN photographer Jewel who suggested we all go to Lone Star for lunch. Almost before Jewel had the idea out of her mouth, Bob was calling the local Lone Star manager and whispered “I’m buying” to the TBNN crew and the small crowd that was beginning to form around Bob.

TBNN copy editor Jim did question Bob’s translation of Proverbs 18:24, “You know Bob, some versions read ‘If a man has many friends, he may come to ruin.’" To which Bob replied, “Amen to that!" causing the crowd to erupt. "All these friends are ruining me. I’m definitely going to start showing myself unfriendly. I may even change my name to Fred."


Peren said...

When I first saw the headline, I thought of Proverbs 26:4-5. Those would be interesting verses to claim.

Anika Q said...

Reggina Lampert: I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.

Peter Joshua: Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.


:) I like this.

UncleChicken said...

Hey, wasn't this the guy who got married to himself?

HSI said...

Haaaaaay.... That's right! I thought I saw this guy at the wedding.

Jim Pemberton said...

Oy veh! What kind of translation is he using?!?!

Actually, if he starts with his grandmother's admonition as a true syllogism, it's fallacious to logically conclude the "double negative" as stated. It's called "denying the antecedent". I've heard too many otherwise good preachers make that same fallacy from the pulpit on other passages where the logical If-then relationship is explicit in the text, (...although I can't seem to think of one off the top of my head. I can think of where a logical relationship is implicit being addressed as "what's important is what the text DOESN'T say.")

As for the notion of friendship, this article is full of hilarious nuances. I just kept asking myself, "So when is this guy gong to start being unfriendly already?" and "Why does he need to tell everyone his decision?"