18 October, 2008

Bentley Returns To "Probationary Podium"

Lakeland, FL -- The Fresh Fire Ministries Board of Directors broke its 2-month silence Friday regarding Todd Bentley's seclusion. This news comes just 3 days after the official end of the "Lakeland Outpouring" revival that began on April 2, 2008.

Back on August 15, 2008, the Board announced that Bentley would "refrain from all public ministry for a season to receive counsel in his personal life." Apparently, the season of privacy took 2 months and is now over. "Todd plans to revive revival. I guess you could call it a rerevival," said a board member who wished to remain anonymous. "But there is a catch. Todd has promised to use more faith and less foot this time around."

A TBNN operative working within the Fresh Fire organization was able to obtain the photo (above) of Bentley practicing from his specially engineered probationary podium. The probationary podium permits Bentley to return to a public forum without the Fresh Fire Board having to worry about Bentley engaging in inappropriate contact with donors, staff, or interns.

The probationary podium is a small cage-like platform which will allow Bentley to freely raise his arms, but not his legs. It comes equipped with boots bolted to the platform. Once Bentley steps into the boots and ties them, his feet cannot move. Apparently, the Fresh Fire Board has also asked Bentley to wear a yellow vest as a type of "fair warning" to rerevival participants. Much like the warning label on a carton of cigarettes?

2 comments:

AspiringTheologian said...

I thought this was pretty brilliant and funny.

Malachi_Abaddon said...

You forgot a label: might happen ( ;) ).

Don't forget what happened to Jimmy Swaggart and the penalty box. At least I think it was him.