05 September, 2008

Unpaid Advertisement: Body Stopper Helps You Worship Without "Dancing"

You know how it is. Your standing in church on a Sunday morning singing "And Can it Be." The Organ is full and loud and the congregation is singing out as the last verse beings. But just then it hits you, the shock and horror as you realize what you're doing. Perhaps it seems innocent to many, perhaps even absurd to some that you would even find it a problem, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are dreadfully close to breaking the regulative principle of worship...you are tapping your foot.

Yes friends, slight sways, foot taps, subtle nods of the head on downbeats even an impassioned clinching of the fist as reactions to singing hymns can bring you to the threshold of breaking into an all out liturgical dance. Well now there's a way to put an end to these sinful practices. Phundy-Phuddy Restraining Products is proud to introduce The Body Stopper.

The Body Stopper ensures that during traditional worship you never come close to making the slightest movement that could be interpreted in any way as responding bodily to music. The Body Stopper's intricate system of chains and locks will keep your body firmly secure during worship, firmly prohibiting you from moving any part of your body except your mouth. The Body Stopper system even includes the patented Toe Lock system which firmly prevents any secretive toe tapping inside of your shoes.

Finally, experience the freedom of being able to worship without the fear of dancing! Order your Body Stopper today for only three easy payments of $99.99*.

*Optional eye restraints available for an additional payment of $59.99 if blinking in time to the music is a problem.

9 comments:

Richard said...

Lol. Good one.

Darrin said...

It's tough to get a good move on with "And Can It Be" - no back-beat, and we're too busy trying to figure out the melody!

TwistTim said...

This is just what I need.... lol

St.Lee said...

Hey, that's pretty funny.... no, wait a minute, maybe not so much.

The pastor of a church I once was a member of, preached that any music that made you want to tap your foot was "of the Devil"

At first I thought he was joking, since many of the old standard gospel songs that we would sing there made my foot want to keep time. But he wasn't kidding....

Dave Miller said...

Our rule is simple. One foot has to stay on the ground - and hip-shaking is discouraged.

Robin Harris (ICE Coordinator) said...

Hilarious! We were just joking about this last night at the praise team practice for our PCA church... I'm going to send this link to my fellow toe-tappers!

janebrock said...

I suppose raising both hands and jumping is discouraged as well.

Dave Miller said...

Raising both hands is acceptable, if you don't lift them too high. Also, swaying while raising hands is strongly discouraged. Jumping is only allowed at youth functions.

It's all in 2 Leviticus somewhere.

Chris said...

Tsk tsk tsk, if only Michal had bought one for King David (2 Samuel 6:14-16).