27 September, 2008

Rodgers May Be Removed Over Pro-Choice Issues

Albany, Texas-- The Albany Gazette is reporting that Jim Rodgers may be publicly removed from the pulpit of First Baptist Church Albany as early as this Sunday. An unnamed source within FBC Albany reported on condition of anonymity that a majority of deacons within FBC Albany have substantial evidence that Pastor Rodgers may no longer be pro-choice.

Suspicions have arisen over the last month for a number of reasons. “We can't give details now, but evidence involves websites, books, sermons, conversations, and even actions. We never saw this coming,” said another inside source.

Jim Rodger’s resume was a perfect match for First Baptist Church Albany earlier this year. Both he and his wife, Sharon, had attended Bob Jones University. Sharon home-schooled their three kids using materials exclusively from Pensacola Christian College. During his sermon in view of a call, Rodgers announced from the pulpit (on the first Sunday in March of 2008) that he felt a calling to FBC Albany. During a special called meeting the next Sunday evening, Jim Rodgers was elected Senior Pastor.

Most importantly, Rodgers was pro-choice. When asked whether or not he was “one of those Calvinists,” Rodgers answered appropriately, “It’s the individual who chooses God.” Even during more difficult questioning during deacon board interviews, when asked about the term “election” in the Bible, Rodgers stated accurately, “Individuals are elected based on God’s foreknowledge of their faith choices.”

Stay tuned to TBNN for the latest on whether Pastor Rodgers has changed his pro-choice stance.

5 comments:

Chris said...

Bwhahaha

G N Barkman said...

OK, OK, another thought-provoking satire. But why the need to keep dumping on BJU and Pennsacola so often? Methinks somebody is trying to irritate. As a BJU graduate, and a vocal 5-point Calvinist, I can attest to both the quality of education I received at BJU, as well as the unmistakable Calvinist influence there. Can we call a truce?

justinrmeulemans said...

Wow can you imagine, if we started referring to all our free-will friends as being pro-choice out of jest? I would do it, but it probably would not be wise, seeing that pastors may be calling in several people because of "prayer request" concerns over them being in favor of killing babies.

Jim Pemberton said...

Well, you know, he WAS called by God to be the pastor there. Of course, God will have to go call someone else if they decide to oust him. God must not have known they would... wait a minute.

Jeff said...

I choose to laugh at this... and I needed to laugh today. THANKS