02 August, 2008

The Treasure Shed

El Pano, GA -- In the Sermon on the Mount, the Lord Jesus said, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal…”

So maybe you’ve read this passage and wondered like millions of others, “Just where exactly can I lay up my treasures on earth?”

Could there actually be a moth-free and rust-free way of storing treasure while also having no worries about theft? Well, the scripture theologians at Creflo Dollar Ministries have partnered with the handyman experts of Lowe’s to make a mark that cannot be erased.

“We’ve built something fabulous together,” said Dr. Creflo Dollar,

“It’s a solution for change and understanding life,” said Mark Hamilton, Lowe’s manager in El Pano, Georgia.

The Treasure Shed is the only answer for your earthly treasures. It’s the only moth-proof, rust-proof, and thief-proof shed on the market today. Each Treasure Shed is assembled by Lowe’s craftsmen and anointed by Dr. Dollar.**

“If you’ve already helped God to realize His will in your life through abundant wealth, why not do what Jesus suggests and properly protect your wealth from the harsh elements of the earth?,” asks Dollar.

The smaller 3 x 3 ft. Treasure Shed is just perfect for hoards of cash, diamonds, and old gold teeth.

The mid-sized 6 x 8 Treasure Shed can hold normal sized items such as racks of polyester suits, shelves of oversized wigs, and/or any golden thrones you currently have laying around.

Each 15 x 30 Treasure Shed is perfect for an extra Royles Royce.

The giant custom-made-to-order Treasure Shed is useful for much larger items, such as private planes.

“The Bible says that wealth is stored up for the righteous (Prov 13:22),” explains Dr. Dollar. “You’ve seized the wealth and riches that have come your way, so take the practical steps to store them up as the Bible says. Protect your treasures from Satan's three biggest weapons against your righteous treasures. Protect yourself against the moth, the rust, and the thief. Buy your Treasure Shed today!"

**Sometimes Dr. Dollar proxies are used.


Amanda said...

and/or any golden thrones you currently have laying around

What about golden calves?

Peter Kirk said...

I suppose it has been made thief-proof by having a special lock designed so that only Dr Dollar and his proxies can take anything out of it - which they will do regularly to avoid it filling up and encourage its owner to find more treasures to store up in it.

Darrin said...

Great post. Clever manipulation of scripture.

Lance said...

Well, obviously that verse can't mean what it says. Thank God for anointed Bible teachers who can tell us what the Holy Spirit really meant to write!

Terrific satirical work!

reallyrobins said...

I am assuming the shed is cedar lined. So now I can store up my treasures AND be a good steward by storing my winter items i the shed so they do not become moth infested.

Ah, satire! Good post, Tom :)