25 August, 2008

Obama Expected to Take "NLT-Only" Position

DENVER, CO - Later this week, Senator Barack Obama is expected to be named the presidential nominee for the Democratic Party. Due to his popularity, Senator Obama will make his acceptance speech in front of an expected crowd of 70,000 at Invesco Field.

TBNN has been forwarded an advance-copy of the Senator's acceptance speech. While it is filled with the typical rhetoric of any acceptance speech, it did contain something that surprised even us. It appears that Obama will finally weigh-in on the much debated issue of which bible translation is best.

In the speech, Obama will say, "I've given much thought and prayer to this issue. Let me first say that I prefer the original Hebrew and Greek. However, I also realize that the common man cannot read those languages. Therefore, the issue is which of the English translations best renders the meaning of the originals."

Obama will continue, "Although I have preferred other translations in the past, my current favorite is the New Living Translation. In fact, from this day forward I will hold an NLT-only position!" At this point in the speech, the Senator will pause due to the expected loud applause.

"My reasoning, after much prayer and fasting, is that the NLT has come from a thought-for-thought or idea-for-idea philosophy of translation. This stands in opposition to the word-for-word translations such as the KJV, NKJV, NASB, ESV, HCSB, etc. Because the NLT uses a thought-for-thought approach, this translation cannot be as exact as some of the others. This allows me to claim to like the bible while still holding to blatantly unbiblical positions such as supporting partial-birth-abortions and same-sex unions." Again, long, loud applause is expected.

TBNN has discovered that Obama will conclude his speech by saying, "My faith is very important to me. I have faith in God, that's why I carry the NLT. I also have faith in acceptance, tolerance, and diversity. That's also why I carry the NLT. With this loose translation as my guide, along with several trans-gendered communists, I will lead this country to places it has never been!"


UncleChicken said...

'Senator McCain, in an attempt to appeal to conservative voters and address this emerging issue of Bible versions, is expected to uphold the KJV as the translation of choice. "With this translation and Fred Phelps at my side, we will smiteth our enemies and rid the land of noisome pestilences."'

Mesa Mike said...


As if Obama has ever even heard of the ESV and HCSB....

fresnel said...

May I remind TBNN readers that Pat Robertson has already been nominated by God a few months ago to be Obama's VP. A critical mistake has been made!!!

What are we to think whenever we are plainly told the future by sincere Christians who regularly receive direct communication from God but then things don't turn out as predicted? Well, I conclude that somebody's got corn in their ears and better get it out before the smite button gets pushed.

Jeff said...

Sad, true? Sick?

yep, and entirely believable

Stevie B said...

At least he's not "The Message"--Only.

David McKay said...

I know this is satire, and I love reading your pages, but I must say that my NLT 2nd ed carries the same uncompromising message as my ESV, NIV, TNIV, GNB, NRSV, etc.

I don't see any watering down of the message at all.

Stan McCullars said...

Love the NLTse!