30 August, 2008

New Bible Body Spray

Women, the secret is out! New Bible is in! Want to cover up embarrassing odor without attracting the wrong kind of man? Why take a chance with unbiblical sprays? Smell like a new Bible with New Bible Body Spray for Women.

Attention men! Want to be a promise keeper, but still looking for a Proverbs 31 woman to help you keep your promise? You’ll never find one with an axe under your arm or old spices on your face. Have the confidence to smell like a new Bible all day, with New Bible Body Spray for Men.

Everyone rightly wants to guard against odor and sweat. But strong Christians should be extra careful to avoid inciting secular advances with those unscriptural body sprays.

Just purchase New Bible Body Spray and you'll never again be confined to the Bible section of bookstores on Friday and Saturday night. You'll know immediately when that soon-to-be special someone walks by, even if you are in the grocery store or Blockbuster. New Bible Body Spray is specially formulated to emit the scent of a fresh Bible straight off the Lifeway shelf.

Most Christians know that wonderful scent of a fresh, new Bible. If they don’t, they are probably not real Christians. Seeker sensitive Christians use New Bible Body Spray.

So, go ahead. Put your Bible away and relax in your favorite coffee shop with a Sports Illustrated or Homes & Gardens. Do not sit there for hours with your Bible open, waiting to be spotted by another Christian. The specially formulated New Bible scent will be with you wherever you go.

Remember: New Bible Body Spray “It’s For Strong Christians.”
Note: If you are more likely to experience a downpour of sweat than simply perspire, try the New Amplified Bible Body Spray.


shaun m. said...

Mmmm... I imagine it captures and combines leather, dust, and coffee into one unique scent!

Or, I suppose "fresh" Bibles lack dust...

Brother Slawson said...

I did think of using "Old Bible" (maybe adapting an Old Spice Bottle) instead of "New Bible"... but "New Bible" won out.

Lee R. Shelton, III said...

Does that come in a KJV scent?

Jim Pemberton said...

I think it matters more the cover and publisher. The size might have something to do with it. You might have the livingroom table Bible smell, the 90 lb Ryrie study Bible smell or the Gideon's New Testament smell.

I wonder what the new ESV Study Bible smells like?