22 August, 2008

Anointed Blimp Ministry Takes Off

By Dr. Bill

Houston, TX As a natural extension of “anointed” music, it was inevitable that Charismatic icon Joel Osteen would turn to the sky for a new rain of spiritual blessings.

Sunday evening, Osteen excitedly shared with 1100 attendees in Atlanta, “Several miraculous thoughts converged on me this afternoon. I saw the crushing hunger of the world and so few dedicated servants of God to relieve that suffering. I saw the supernatural anointing that comes upon obedient believers when touched with oil from my fingers. I saw supernatural power flowing from our anointed praise band, washing over all of you. Suddenly all was clear. Suddenly I knew. I knew what I must do. And I invite you to join me in God’s next and greatest campaign to bless the world through our anointed efforts for Him. Are you with me? I said, ARE YOU WITH ME? I SAID, ARE…”

What Osteen has come up with is nothing less than inspired. Osteen Anointed Sky Song Ministries is all about music, crops, oil, and money. According to Osteen, “It is well known that if you sing to plants, they grow better, so it's not hard to see how music, crops and oil that I have personally blessed can come together to relieve world hunger.”

Osteen plans to begin his blimp ministry just outside of Houston dedicated to anointing farmer's fields (following a donation to his ministry) using drums of fertilizer saturated sunflower oil. As the anointing progresses, Hillsong praise choruses will blare down onto the growing crops. According to Osteen, “We have people clamoring to get in on donating funds to help us bring this blessing to the world.”

Drummer, Turk Lee said, “I hear there are openings for rotating praise bands on the blimp. That’s like, so cool. Gotta try it, ya know?”

Program director Curtis Swift speculated, “If this ministry takes off, there will be satellite projects birthed in foreign lands with evangelical blimps embarking in "prayer cruises" over Muslim towns doing the same thing.  You can contact me if you have friends wanting in on that.”


UncleChicken said...

Hmmm... I might know a few people who I want to offer to go minister to Muslim towns.

I know as Christians we aren't supposed to use the government to solve our problems... but can we use the Muslims? I really think if Tony Campolo, Joel Osteen, Benny Hinn, Brian McLaren, and Jim Wallace would go on a 'celebrity tour' to start things off, it might really help.

fresnel said...

UncleChicken, you're idea has so much merit!

I love the thought of getting all those high visibility guys into one blimp load and then encouraging them to fly low over some heathen town like, say Teheran, blaring Hillsong's best as they shower the locals with fertilized anointed blessings. I'm thinkin', "Whoa, dudes and dudettes!" Talk about awesome results! We're talking spectacular; a real step forward for the Kingdom.

Dave Miller said...

Ah, the Gospel Blimp! That was a truly brilliant story from Joseph Bayly many years ago.

What does Ecclesiastes say? "There is nothing new under the sun."