15 July, 2008

Climbers Discover KJV on Mount Ararat

TURKEY - In a discovery that has long been expected by some, but is inconceivable to most, a group of climbers recently discovered a copy of the King James Bible within remains of Noah's Ark.

Expedition leader Dr. Kyle Richardson, who is a part-time professor at Pensacola Christian College, told TBNN, "We had been planning this climb for over a year, hoping to come across wooden remains of Noah's Ark. When we found several very old planks on the north face of the mountain, near the summit, we thought we had found what we were looking for. After a closer inspection, we knew we were right. For example, several of the planks had pictures carved into them of various forms of animals that are now extinct. Also, there were eight names carved in the wood, presumably those of Noah, his wife, his sons, and his sons' wives."

Fellow climber Wendy Richardson, wife of Kyle, explained their greatest discovery. According to Wendy, "As we were carefully looking under a few of the wooden planks, we came across something that we did not expect. Inside a small wooden compartment, we found a near-perfect copy of the King James Bible. Based on where we found it, we have concluded that this bible was actually the one used by Noah during the flood so many years ago. The more we think about it now, the more sense it makes."

Although several Old and New Testament experts have raised serious questions about how a KJV could have possibly been on the ark, others are thrilled about the discovery. For example, Dr. Henry Beeth, professor of New Testament at Bob Jones University, said, "The discovery of the KJV among the remains of Noah's ark confirms what we have always known to be true. God actually first revealed himself in the KJV, long before either the Hebrew or Greek. The writers of the Hebrew Old Testament and Greek New Testament actually translated into their languages from the KJV. In 1611, the translators of the KJV were just going back to the original. We know some folks can't figure out the KJV, but this discovery just proves that it still stands as the perfectly revealed Word of God."

11 comments:

Andrew said...

BJU is NASV now.

Still a funny post, though!

Peter Kirk said...

Perhaps the inscribed names, presumably in early modern English like the Bible, can help to solve a problem with the KJV form of Noah's name. Was the original form "Noah" (Genesis 5:19 etc, Hebrews 11:7, 1 Peter 3:20, 2 Peter 2:5) or "Noe" (Matthew 24:37,38, Luke 3:36, 17:26,27)? Could the KJV have been corrupted in some of these verses? Or was Noah like Shakespeare, inconsistent in how he spelled his own name?

fresnel said...

Ah, come on; stop torturing us! Will the writer pleeeease tell us the color of that found Bible's cover? Along with all other truly faithful torch-bearers of our beloved KJV, surely the answer is black. We await your confirmation!

Jeff said...

So much for honest reporting... full disclosure reveals that they found the KJV under a pile of slightly decayed "Good News for Modern Man" and a crude tablet outline of sermon notes from John Pipers visit at their church...

Hæmorrhaging Woman said...

Recent reports indicate that along with the KJV, dinosaur bones were also found within the remains of the ark. This discovery answers once and for all the question, did dinosaurs and man walk together.

Jason said...

Yeah, BJU is not KJV-only. Not even close.

Highland Host said...

Undoubtedly Noah spelled his name in more than one way. Standardised spelling is an evil foisted on the English-speaking people by those godless philosophers of the Enlightenment. They did not beleeve in God, and in their unbeleef constructed insted a language without the bewtees of varied spelling. I beleev that there will bee no such thing in heaven.

And that pre- eighteenth century English was much kinder to those with dyslexia. And school children. Imagine school without spelling tests...

fresnel said...

Concerning the dinosaur bones comment, I would like to point out that the scriptures do not indicate dinosaurs were allowed to enter the ark Noah and his sons built. In a vision I recently learned that for safety reasons, the dinosaurs were housed in a second ark attached to the family ark. Unfortunately, the hitch broke.

mhgood said...

Bju IS very biased toward the KJV, though they are not officially KJV Only. I'm an Almumnus, and I live very near to the school. Recently a professer who spoke "too warmly" about the ESV was told to stop or he'd be fired. The KJV is required for memorization, conducting society Sunday School, at every school event where the Bible is used, etc. So, in practice, the school is pro-KJV. I don't know anyone who uses the NASB, though the ESV is popular with students for private study.

Martin said...

These whack-jobs give all religion a bad name. Get it into your pig-ignorant heads, KJVO's, that "God" was an invention of the Jews/Palestinians, who certainly didn't speak any form of English, let alone 17th century english.
Still, it's your fantasy so I guess you can do what you want.
Please, join the real world, cast aside all superstition and join us Atheists.
Cheers,
Mort

superjudge said...

This is hilarious, the KJV wasn't printed until 1611AD. This postdates Noah by about 4000 years.