10 June, 2008

Single Verse Conferences Spreading Like Wildfire

Inspired by the upcoming John 3:16 Conference (click here), many other religious groups have decided to hold single-verse meetings within the next year.

The purpose of these various conferences appears to be to take one bible verse out of context and then use it to support what the group already believes. Some groups are rallying around their verse of focus, while others are trying to destroy their chosen verse. What each group is trying to accomplish should be obvious.

TBNN encourages you to sign up and cheer for the conference that best fits what you already believe. Some people will, of course, want to attend multiple gatherings.

Find your favorite below (in alphabetical order):

Arminian - The I John 4:14 Conference - "And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world."

Baptist - The Acts 8:36 Convention - "Now as they went down the road, they came to some water. And the eunuch said, 'See, here is water. What hinders me from being baptized?'"

Calvinist - The Romans 9:13 Disputation - "As it is written, 'Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.'"

Catholic - The John 6:54 Council - "Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

Charismatic - The I Corinthians 14:18 Celebration - "I thank my God I speak with tongues more than you all."

Disciples of Christ - The Acts 2:38 Pool Party - "Then Peter said to them, 'Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'"

Episcopal - The No Scripture, Just a Few Nice Platitudes Assembly

Health, Wealth, and Prosperity - The Job 42:12 Gathering - "Now the LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; for he had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand yoke of oxen, and one thousand female donkeys. "

KJV Only - The Psalm 12:6 Declaration - "The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times - the KJV."

Liberal - The Galatians 3:28 Egalitarian Confab - "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Lutheran and Presbyterian - The Acts 16:31 Synod - "So they said, 'Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.'"

Mennonite - The Matthew 5:39 Get Together - "But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also."

Methodist - The Leviticus 1:3 Choice - "If his offering is a burnt sacrifice of the herd, let him offer a male without blemish; he shall offer it of his own free will at the door of the tabernacle of meeting before the LORD."

United Church of Christ (UCC) - The Romans 1:27 Misinterpretation - "Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due."


wk0o said...

Congressional Caucus of Faith - The Matthew 7:1 Repetition - "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

Darrin said...

Thanks for bringing this out, Eric. I'll be sure to miss the Vines gig - I'll be attending the John 3:8 conference instead. I'm sure these speakers are eminently more qualified to discuss soteriology than were Calvin and the reformers. After the SBC crusade here in FL to purge us of Reformed theology, nothing is a surprise.

AspiringTheologian said...

Very funny. I liked all of it, but I'm not sure why Lutheran and Presbyterian are together - it seems to me that the Lutheran paedobaptism is more related to Catholic paedobaptism; Lutheran and Presbyterian paedobaptism aren't much similar at all from my experience. Though the "household" verse being tied to Pres is very funny - I laughed.

UncleChicken said...

The Episcopal one killed me.

UncleChicken said...

PS - Does anyone know if there will be mp3's available from the 3:16 conference?

The Funny thing is, we had a Bible study last night on John 3:16 (actually, the verses preceding and following, too!) and the other guys all noticed that it's actually a particular verse! Funny, how you can get that when you read in context...

Chris Latch said...

Um...did someone cancel the Psalms 5:5 Conference?

Richard Boyce said...

Brilliant post.

Highland Host said...

The I John 4.8 (last 3 words) Conference for liberals: 'God is Love'.

Or the Hebrews 12.29 conference at the Strict Baptsit Chapel next door: 'Our God is a consuming Fire.'

Jim Pemberton said...

Holy cow! I think you nailed it! Oh. I'm sorry, that's the Oprah church "Write your own verse convention."

You could add the Kinist "Acts 17:26 Closed Family Conference".

Jeff said...

How about the Amos 6:9 - "Less Known Biblical Evidence Against Homosexual Marriage Conference"

Or the 2 Timothy 4:14 - "I Don't Get Mad I Let God Get Even: Anger Management Conference"

Peren said...

"Methodist - The Leviticus 1:3 Choice"

You obviously don't get the Methodist newsletter. We haven't used the Bible in years. The Methodist rule book is all the scripture we need, and we're more flexible with that than Rob Bell quoting the Message Remix after getting a brand new shipment of [ ]'s and ...'s.

www.examiningcalvinism.com said...

"Acts 2:38 conference" for the baptismal regenerationist.

www.examiningcalvinism.com said...

Sorry, I see where you had already posted that one.