17 May, 2008

Spirit-Filled Bible Study Reveals Pastor's Flaws

Tcheblufta, MS -- It all started innocently enough back in October when five ladies in the Wives Without Their Husbands Sunday School class felt the need to increase their group prayer life beyond that offered through the church. "Since that moment, the Spirit has really moved," said Ms. Eudora. On that day, Ms. Eudora had a prayer request about her niece's out-of-wedlock pregnancy and four other ladies stayed after Sunday School to let her get her feelings out and pray more with her.

"That day, Jesus showed up," said Ms. Rose. "It's what we needed." After discussing Ms. Eudora's niece, the ladies just talked and talked about their desire to be more spiritual. Before they knew it, they had talked straight through the church service until 11:45am. "But it's what we needed," said Ms. Froth. "We really got down to real business with our spiritual lives."

Somehow, the word got around quickly about the movement in that first meeting. Some people questioned why the group was skipping church, but they were quickly corrected and told that the five ladies just needed some time on their own without the rest of the church members.

Their time alone together was so special that they were led to begin having their very own midweek services. Instead of meeting on Wednesday nights with the congregation for prayer and Bible study, they met at the church on Tuesdays and Fridays. It apparently was a wonderful time of spiritual growth. They even made sure not to bring Bibles because they did not want doctrinal issues and earthly mindset thinking to interfere with the deeply spiritual moments.

"After chatting for about three hours during our own midweek services, we all felt much better," said Ms. Clement. "But no matter how long we talked, we always made time to pray. We were a real support to each other in a way that none of the rest of the church could understand. We were at a new level never achieved before. Actually, we discussed our desire for the rest of the church to experience revival as we were experiencing it. We suspected something was off. But we thought it might only be a feeling at the time."

The double mid-week services lasted about 4 weeks, but then dwindled to once a week with 2 or 3 ladies. Their families wanted them at home more, so they were forced to give up some of their God time for their families. Soon, they were only meeting every other week for lunch and not attending any church services with the congregation.

Close to Christmas, the meetings slowed down so much that they began to really talk about the true source of the slowdown. "We couldn't yet pinpoint the root of our slowdown," said Ms. Shornot. "Then, at one of the lunches, one of the ladies mentioned that Pastor Thirston did not seem to be as supportive as he could have been. A light bulb came on for everyone there. We knew we had heard the voice of God."

"We don't talk about other people, but when we simultaneously received the revelation, more investigation was warranted. When we began comparing notes, one thing that really stood out was our realization that Pastor Thirston did not always answer his phone very quickly," said Ms. Rose. "The pattern he displayed to all of us was shockingly similar. We elected Ms. Froth to visit Pastor Thirston and speak with him about his phone answering problem." That's when the ladies realized that Pastor Thirston had an office hours problem. When Ms. Shornot dropped in unexpectedly one Wednesday at 11:15 am, he was not in his office.

"But we were not overly judgmental without further evidence," said Ms. Clement . The ladies wanted to find out more. They divided up the church directory and each took names to call. They asked the membership what they thought of Pastor Thirston's phone habits and his office hours problem.

"It's a good thing that our personal spiritual growth is at a peak right now," said Ms. Eudora, chair of the pulpit committee.


Anya said...

"They even made sure not to bring Bibles..." Wow. Sadly enough, you don't have to remind most of the kids in my youth group to not bring their Bibles.

Peren said...

I know you guys must get this all the time, but are you sure this is satire? I could swear I know some of those women,

Joe Blackmon said...

Ummm, I thought this site was about satire?

Brother Slawson said...

Aww come on!
No one would really take it THIS far!


carolynj said...

I assumed that you would have a policy of changing names to protect the guilty, um...innocent.