13 May, 2008

CBD Introduces New "John 3:16 Bible"

CBD announced this week the exciting arrival of its newest product, the "John 3:16 Bible."

CBD Chairman Bill Moss, told TBNN, "This is usually a down time of year for our overall sales, so we are thrilled to be launching this new product at this time. During the summer months, with people so busy traveling, they don't have much time to read. Also, there are no holidays for giving gifts. CBD needs this new bible now to boost our stock offerings."

The "John 3:16 Bible" offers its buyers a quick and easy source for the only bible verse they usually know. It's easy to carry around because it only has twenty pages. Each page provides a different translation of the special verse. For example, page one has the Greek, page two the KJV, page three the NKJV, page four the NIV, page five the ESV, etc.

On the final page (20), you will find The Message version of John 3:16. Since The Message is the most popular bible version, it will be easy to find - just inside the back cover.

Below is a sampling of what the new bible looks like on the inside:

Page 2: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." KJV

Page 4: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." NIV

Page 6: "For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." HCSB

Page 10: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life." NRSV

Page 15: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." NLT

Page 20: "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life." The Message

United Methodist Pastor Jim Ulmer, after trying out the "John 3:16 Bible," said, "This is a gift I have been waiting for. What a relief. I find myself constantly turning to this verse. In fact, it is what I preach from just about every week. I have frequently wanted an easier way to get to John 3:16, and now I have it!"

Duke Divinity School President Dr. Mark Little is also excited. "Our students frequently engage in debates with those of the Calvinistic persuasion. The strategy we employ is simple. No matter what the Calvinist says, no matter what bible passage he brings up, no matter what historical document he references, no matter what he says about biblical context, we simply quote John 3:16. For us, that answers the question and wins the debate. We don't even have to put much thought or effort into it. We just quote John 3:16. This new bible will further enhance our debate skills."

CBD informed TBNN that if the "John 3:16 Bible" is a big seller, then next year they may release a sequel - the "II Peter 3:9 Bible."

10 comments:

Peter Kirk said...

In a response to the CBD initiative, Crossway today announced the Romans 9:13 Bible, which includes just the text of this verse and only in the ESV version, together with comments on the verse from Calvin, Owen, Spurgeon and Piper.

A Crossway spokesman (no need to write "spokesperson" here) told us that this new product would give a double benefit. Firstly, this would be a convenient way for every good Calvinist to remember and carry around the only Bible verse and interpretation they need to know. Secondly, because the book is so small, only two pages, it can be sold for just 10 cents, and so will be a good follow-up to the success of the recent 50 cent New Testament campaign in pushing ESV towards the top of the chart of Bible sales by volume.

Brother Slawson said...

Your Bible seems a little wordy.

Could you have a version that is just John 3:16a?

"For God so Loved the World"

This version would cut out all the controversial stuff.

Colin said...

Touche, Mr. Kirk. :-)

Though may I suggest to CBD that if they want to make the 2 Peter 3:9 Bible REALLY effective, they should just keep it to 3:9b? "The Lord...is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." That's how I originally learned it...

St.Lee said...

In the same vein, isn't it about time we have a Matthew 7:1 Bible for the more secular among us. "Judge not, that ye be not judged." After all, this verse is often the weapon of choice for non Christians when a Christian veiwpoint is expressed.

Devout Hypocrite said...

I would rather see a Jeremiah 29:11 sequel. Because a promise made to Israel is a promise made to us, and judging by the amount of quilts, paintings, plaques, pencils and graduation gifts, I'd say this'd be a big seller.

Bravodwh said...

Limiting His atonement to just the world Bro. Slawson? How typically exclusive and unkind of you. How about God-Love? The CBD translation says it, I read it, that settles it.

Jerry Boyce said...

What about the I Kings 14:10 version. Har Har Har

Chris said...

"Peter Kirk said... In a response to the CBD initiative, Crossway today announced the Romans 9:13 Bible, which includes just the text of this verse and only in the ESV version, together with comments on the verse from Calvin, Owen, Spurgeon and Piper."

(Spewing out my morning smoothie all over the screen) BWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Jim Pemberton said...

Just what I've always wanted! A bible that's easy to understand.

Brett Mac said...

How bout a Hebrews 4:12 Bible? "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."(esv)
you'd only need 1 page. it could even just be a business card to save a lot of money. on the back will be "did i have the heart to choose this card or did it have the heart to choose me?".. just for fun :)