While seriously committed Christians have long sensed the inherent evil lurking in Contemporary Christian Music (CCM), until now there has been no scholarly champion to flush out the demons hiding in the PowerPoint music all too often found in otherwise sound evangelical churches.
Until now. Mrs. Kimberly Smith, of Saint Charles, Missiouri has stepped forth as a gladiator defending pure Christian music and smiting the diabolical counterfeits wherever they may lurk.
In her book Music and Morals: Dispelling the Myth That Music is Amoral Mrs. Smith cogently enlightens her readers that music affects listeners, “putting to rest the myth that music is amoral. You will learn…Scientific evidence proving that music has positive and negative effects on the listener” according to the book’s blurb.
Said Shirley Staples of Little Rock, Arkansas, “I always suspected that music affected me. This book proves it! Now, when I listen to Johnny Cash, I recognize that I have good feelings stirred in me. I guess I’d never noticed that but Mrs. Smith really nailed it!”
“Duh,” was Ed Spanner’s comment, of Redondo Beach, California. “But listen to this: ‘Mrs. Smith rejects the anapestic (weak-strong) rhythmic foot out of hand as inherently evil (because of its =constant repetition=) is indeed sensual.’ I don’t get the ana-whatsit part, but rhythm is like waaay vital, you know what I mean? What’s wrong with sensual anyway? This lady is a missus, isn’t she?”
Paul Brinkley of Dallas, TX exploded, “Gadzooks! No wonder I'm such a hardened sinner! I listen to 5 minutes of music with anapestic rhythm each morning before breakfast!”
The Right Reverend David Walker of Sunshine Baptist Church, Cooper, Georgia thoughtfully enjoined, “I’m fascinated to finally understand the difference between moral and immoral music techniques. Apparently, there is an underlying meaning of certain types of rhythms and Mrs. Smith is showing me how to reevaluate how we come into the Lord’s presence. Her book even has a mini reference guide to different musical styles and their origins and a CD with example clips of moral and immoral music.”
Brinkley rejoiced, “Oh boy! Now I can actually hear for myself what type of music will cause me to sin! Oh wait, if I listen even to a 10-second clip, will that lead me into 10 seconds of sinning? The only safe thing to do, gloooory to God, is to listen to those examples with multiple Q-tips stuffed in my ears.”
Ethnomusicologist Dr. Robin Kink of Biola University mused, “I’m troubled that Mrs. Smith believes that “immoral music is more powerful than Christian lyrics." I don’t see anything in scripture that indicates that and I certainly don’t see inherently imbedded meanings in music when viewed trans-culturally. I’m afraid her potato salad’s a few pickles shy.”
When reinterviewed later in the day, Mr. Brinkley had apparently repented of his earlier rash views. “I don't care if the lyrics come from King David himself, that devil's rhythm just makes my body start to sway and bend and all of a sudden, my toe's a-tappin'. I better follow the advice of Christ that it's "better to cut off your [tappin'] toe and enter heaven than go to hell with all toes." Get thee behind me, you weak-strong weak-strong repetitive rhythm! My toes are dedicated to JE-sus! 'All music with a backbeat is sinful' - it's only the front beat from here on out for me, yessir! Only the front beat on the highway to holiness. I am so glad that Mrs. Kimberly Smith has had a word from the Lord to graciously guide our beats frontwards and backwards. Though I suppose if I listen to music with a backbeat going backwards, it becomes the front beat. Quick, let me spin my old LPs backwards...”
Book reviewer D. Wallace said, "She asserts that 'swaying to the music' is prima facie evidence for sensuality and immorality induced by the musical style, but fails to show how these are linked (except by her own assertion). I suppose that since I sway on the Metro as it moves down the track that the subway system is an "immoral" mode of transportation (wow, had I only known!)."
Book reviewer K. Nakaqawa remarked, "Now I know that rhythm you hear might hypnotize you - with or without you realizing it. Actually you can not avoid it. This is very scientific. Rhythm you hear will skip a frontal lobe which means your brain - decision making (right or wrong) function does not work during you hearing certain rhythm. Information you hear will go directly into your brain without filtering. I think this utilize as part of mind control technique."
Brinkley exclaimed, “Ooh, those sneaky weak-strong rhythms - they're a-gonna hypnotize me and control my braaaaiiiin!!!! AAAgghh...Defeat the beat! Defeat the beat!”
Longtime Deaconess Gladys Hemmel of Cogdon, Alabama glowed, "Kimberly Smith, a church organist and classically trained pianist, can be likened to a modern-day Dr. Van Helsing in pursuit of the fiendish ‘undead.’ Armed with the Word of God, she triumphantly impales ‘Christian’ rock music, the most carnal and prevalent style of contemporary Christian music (CCM) today.”
Brinkley, now quite beside himself, proclaimed throughout Concourse B of the Dallas Airport, “Thank God this vampire killer has come among us to save us. "The truth shall set us free," GLO-ry halle-LU-jah!”
Mrs. Shirley explained, "Carnal music is music that appeals to us physically-it makes our bodies respond. Spiritual music makes our spirit respond. If you cannot tell the difference, you have a problem... The spiritual person responds like Elijah on the mount. The carnal person reacts like the prophets of Baal. God responded to the spiritual plea of Elijah. He will not respond to jiving, dancing, or any other physical action music may motivate."
Dr. Kink rebutted, “That’s a isogetical scripture interpretation making a false analogy and then using it to drive truth. What about David dancing before the Lord?”
Jose Rodriguez, temporarily of Houston, Texas speaking through a translator mused, "I, too, have grave concerns about the musical offerings of the church. But not just rock and roll: Country and country-western music have deep roots in alcoholism and adultery. Bluegrass has roots in the moonshiners of Appalachia and in the Irish rebellion and gang wars of New York. Why even large portions of classical music were formed around the decadent lifestyles of royalty."
The third book Mrs. Smith has published within the past 10 years, Music and Morals
is receiving largely positive reviews. Mrs. Smith rejoiced, “I have so much more work to do. Stay tuned. You’ll be hearing more!”