01 April, 2008

Newsflash: Lump of Clay Tells Potter What To Do

SANTA CRUZ, CA - Mr. Winstead Burns, a retired high school art teacher, has been working with clay all of his life. For twenty-five years, he taught teenagers how to take lumps of clay and form them into beautiful works of art. He informed TBNN, "Whenever we began working with clay, the results were the same. Some of the pieces turned out very nice. When that happened, the kids were very pleased with them. They wanted to show them off, and always took the pieces home with them. Unfortunately, some of the other pieces were always a mess. They looked off-center, crooked, and just a wreck. Those pieces certainly missed the mark. They weren't good for much except to be thrown out. Sometimes we just tossed them back into the kiln until they burned up."

Mr. Burns retired three years ago and opened his own pottery shop near the coast. He enjoys spending his days talking with tourists while he spins his wheel and forms new works of art. His life was moving along uneventfully until last week. That's when a lump of clay spoke to him. According to Mr. Burns, "I pulled out a new lump of clay and was about to toss it onto my spinning wheel. That's when the weird thing happened. It just told me what to do. Its exact words were, 'Make sure you make me for honorable use.' Now that scared me a little bit. But it didn't say anything else, so I just did my best and made a nice vase out of it" (see below).

Mr. Burns told us that he immediately contacted the local university, UCSC, but the art department simply did not believe him. Dr. Evelyn Simpson-Wells-Thomas, head of the UCSC art department, told Mr. Burns, "Science has proven scientifically that things like this just can't scientifically happen. Clay scientifically doesn't speak. Miracles don't happen unless we want them to."

Mr. Burns remains convinced of what he heard. "I know what happened that day. I also know what the bible says about this (click here). However, my experience tells me that the clay spoke. There is no doubt about it. He told me what to do. I've never thought of clay as being alive before, but now I have new respect for what I am working with. It's almost like the clay could decide if he wanted to be something honorable or dishonorable. He seemed to have a free will of his own."


Brother Slawson said...

Thank you for a nice break of laughter in this rough morning.

Ken said...

Maybe he should have thrown that piece into the kiln till it burned up, darn independent clay.

Richard Boyce said...

Can't forget about that one beautiful vase that was determined to run into the kiln.

Yup. The potter did everything he could to save it, but simply wasn't powerful enough.

Some mighty weird clay floating around.


UncleChicken said...

Hey, the lump didn't do too badly. At least it didn't say, "Hey, I'm a lump and you have no right to change me into anything."

That was a good one, BTW.

Darrin said...

Maybe we should worship the pottery rather than the potter!

Chris Latch said...

Thanks, guys. The title alone had me laughing.

Stefan said...

Very funny.

Jerry Boyce said...

"Now that scared me a little bit."

Wonderful satire- a potter scared of the clay.

John Lofton, Recovering Republican said...

Wow! Unbelievable! The exact same thing happened to me except the incident didn't involve a potter or clay but rather myself and God who graciously saved me when I hated Him and was running away from Him as fast as I could. Scary? Sort of, in a nice way. And I'll never forget how I had nothing to do with this -- zero, zip, zilch, nada.

John Lofton, Editor,




For more than 35 years John Lofton has covered national politics and cultural/religious issues as a journalist, nationally-syndicated columnist, TV-radio commentator/analyst and political advisor.
• Editor, "Monday," the weekly, national publication of the Republican National Committee, 1970-73.
• Nationally-syndicated columnist for "United Features" Syndicate in more than 100 papers nationwide, 1973-80.
• Editor, "Battleline," monthly newsletter of The American Conservative Union, 1977-80.
• Editor, "Conservative Digest" magazine, 1980-82.
• Columnist, "The Washington Times" newspaper, 1982-89.
• Program-host/commentator, "America's Voice," a national cable TV network in all 50 states, 1998-99.
• A commentator on the "Mutual Radio Network;"
• An advisor to the Presidential campaign of Pat Buchanan;
• Author of a monthly column on the Federal bureaucracy for Howard Phillips' "Conservative Caucus."
• Has written articles for the NRA magazine “America’s First Freedom”; Gun Owners Of America.
• Communications Director for Constitution Party Presidential candidate Michael Anthony Peroutka in 2004.
• Editor, TheAmericanView.com.
• Co–host with Michael Peroutka of “The American View” radio program.
John Lofton has given numerous speeches before various groups, Liberal and Conservative, including Liberty University/Bob Jones University. He has appeared on every major TV/radio talk show (including the Comedy Channel’s “Daily Show”/“Politically Incorrect”) to debate every imaginable kind of anti-Christian goofball --- and some who are unimaginable but who do, alas, exist. And he never went to college which is why he is so smart. He can be reached at: Phone: (301) 410-760-8885; cell phone: 301-873-4612; email: JLof@aol.com

Cody said...

Wow! Like in Jeremiah 18? Are any Calvinists potters? As a potter myself, I can say firmly that Arminianism makes sense of Romans 9 (especially since Paul is referencing Jeremiah).