22 April, 2008

"Build-Your-Own-Belief-System" a Huge Success

GRAND RAPIDS, MI - First, there was "Build-A-Bear." Then, there was "Build-A-Bible" (click here to remember that one). Now, there is "Build-Your-Own-Belief-System."

Zondervan has announced the huge success of its most recent product: The Build-Your-Own-Belief-System Handbook. Ms. Peggy Shoeman, representing Zondervan, told TBNN, "Over this past four months, the sales of our new handbook surpassed all of our expectations. In fact, only The Message has sold better."

The handbook jacket gives a brief description, saying, "Are you struggling to know what to believe? Do you sense that there is something spiritual about the universe, but don't know where to turn? Have you not yet determined what god exists or how he should relate to you? If you need help, this book has the answers for you.

"This handbook provides helpful pictures (shown here) that illustrate for the reader the relationships of the various world religions to god. Since all religions work together and essentially mean the same thing, this frees the reader up to construct what he wants to believe. In that sense, reading this book is a very liberating experience."

The first few chapters of Zondervan's new masterpiece walk the reader through current belief systems, showing how they really don't have any significant differences. Then, the reader is challenged to journey through 10 simple steps that lead to a new belief system. The steps are as follows:

1. Rid your mind of all previous thoughts.
2. Reject all previous dogmatic religious ideas.
3. Watch an episode of Oprah.
4. Analyze how you feel.
5. Determine what you want.
6. Take a hard look at your felt-needs.
7. Pull what you need from different world religions.
8. Be creative.
9. Construct a belief system that meets your needs.
10. Enjoy!

Billy Dunn, student at Grand Rapids Tech., told us, "Before I read this book, I was very confused about God. I felt guilty and troubled much of the time. I knew something wasn't right but I couldn't put my finger on it. But now, after reading this book, I've learned how to build what I believe. After much study and meditation, I've come to the conclusion that Martians actually dropped off my family on earth about three centuries ago. Therefore, I'm a god. Now I no longer have guilt!"


MarieP said...

I need Christ as my Prophet because I am ignorant by nature.

I need Christ as my Priest because I am guilty of breaking God's law.

I need Christ as my King because I am weak and helpless.

St.Lee said...

While this book may be hailed as ground breaking, closer examination may reveal that it is just the same old methodology repackaged. I mean, doesn't this "build your own belief system" go way back?
Maybe even to about the time Cain killed Abel. Still, I am sure many will find it useful to follow the steps outlined rather than to search out their own way of creating a god they like.

Kevin Rhyne said...

"In fact, only The Message has sold better."


Jerry Boyce said...

Well, after buying the world's smallest Purpose Driven Life to shim up one side of my outhouse, I realized I needed something for the other side. The way I figure it, I can tear this book in two and use half to shim up the otherside, and use the other half as oil rags when I work on my motorcycle.

Jim Pemberton said...

Guaranteed to become the primary handbook for emergents everywhere. Dawkins doesn't like it, though, because you can still choose to believe that God created.