24 March, 2008

Pope's Radical Call for Peace Shocks World

Vatican City - On Sunday during traditional Easter celebrations at St. Peter's Basilica Pope Benedict XVI shocked the World by calling for "peace." During his homily the Pope took the opportunity to make statements some have considered "historical" and "unprecedented," calling for peace in Iraq, Tibet and the Holy Land. He also took the opportunity to make other profound statements denouncing hatred, violence and injustice, causing many in attendance to repent upon hearing his words. World leaders also hailed the call as "an historical moment in the history of mankind."

"It is clear to me now as it has never been before" said Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez during his weekly television broadcast to his nation. "All this time I've been trying to rally this country against the United States and its allies, but I've been wrong. As the Pope said, we simply need to be at peace and stop being selfish. These are wise words. Let's just stop being selfish and hateful. I don't know why we didn't think of it before."

After his television address Chavez lived up to his own words by sending President Bush a dozen roses and a CD of Bette Midler's greatest hits. President Bush responded by saying, "I appreciate this show of friendship and commerraderany between our two nations."

Other world leaders reacted similarly to the Pope's words. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad issued a full apology to Israel for anything negative he has said in the past, expressing a desire to enter into full diplomatic relations with the country. North Korean President Kim Jong Il immediately relinquished power and turned full control of North Korea over to the South Korean government. And Chinese leaders denounced communism releasing all political prisoners and granted Tibet full independence. And for the first time that anyone can remember Israelis an Palestinians simply put aside their differences and embraced in the streets while singing "That's What Friends are For."

"All this time it was so simple" said Fidel Castro, former President of Cuba in a commentary published in a Havana newspaper. "All we simply had to do was stop being mean, selfish and hateful, and suddenly world peace breaks out. Oh if I'd only known years ago, nay decades ago that we as humans simply possessed within ourselves the ability to just stop doing what is wrong and live in perfect peace with one another. How many lives could have been spared the pain."

8 comments:

Horizon said...

AWESOME.

Jerry Boyce said...

Then the Calvinists and Arminians had a big potluck dinner with no arguments.

Ah, for world peace.

Robin said...

So it's possible to groan and laugh at the same time... I especially chuckled at the commerraderany expressed on all sides. If only we could learn from our communist brothers how to be true 'comrades' we'd have it made.

UncleChicken said...

Jerry - Not a chance. The Pope is the Antichrist and us Reformed people know better than to listen to him.

Stefan said...

Of course, the subtext here is the naive humanistic expectation that if only the world would just "give peace a chance," it would be sunshine and flowers forever and ever.

I like the "Way over the top" tag, by the way.

Jerry Boyce said...

Uncle Chicken, just your name makes me laugh. Sometime tell us how you got it, if TBNN will let you stray off topic.

What really made me laugh though was when you said "us Reformed people". Great satire!!

UncleChicken said...

It's what my four-year old niece calls me. No one has any idea why she started, but it's stuck. I get some pretty weird looks when I'm in public with her... I think it's priceless. She has a brother now, so time will tell if I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life.

Jim Pemberton said...

Incredible! Who would have thought it was possible to eradicate sin on our own? Not me.

I still don't.