25 March, 2008

Lakewood Church Announces New Slogan

HOUSTON, TX - At this Easter Sunday celebration, Lakewood Church had something special in store for its audience. Along with the normal new praise choruses, drama, puppet ministry, and man-centered preaching, Pastor Osteen announced that Lakewood Church would begin using a new slogan.

Pastor Osteen proclaimed, "I have said time and again what a big fan I am of John Piper. He is just such a good preacher and teacher. I still don't know where he gets all of his material. Anyway, he has a pretty good slogan. Pastor John says, 'God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.' Now that's a pretty good slogan.

"Even though I have great respect for Pastor John, I think we at Lakewood can do better. After all, God has given us a little different vision here at Lakewood than they have at Bethlehem Baptist. We live in a different part of the country, so it makes sense that our vision, focus, and new slogan would be different from theirs. We must be relevant to our people.

"The bible tells us that God wants what's best for us. For example, Romans 8:28 says, 'That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good' (Message). Paul is telling us that God is pleased and thrilled with you when you are most honored and have the most success you can in this world. God just loves you so much that he wants for you what you want for you. He is happy when you are happy. He is overcome with joy when you are joyful.

"Solomon in the Proverbs tells us that God helps those who help themselves. Isaiah said that God helps us pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. Peter told us that if we believe it, we can do it. John promises us that God loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives.

"Because of verses like these, we decided to take Pastor John's slogan and tweak it just a little bit. You'll see that the words are the same, but the ordering is somewhat different. Our new Lakewood slogan is, 'God is most satisfied in us when we are most glorified in him.'

(Loud applause lasting about 45 seconds)

"Next week we'll look at what we believe the chief end of man really is.


Richard Boyce said...

The reality of this one made my stomach turn.

crazycapte said...


Darrin said...

I knew some Pentacostals who really latched onto Piper's term "Christian Hedonist" years ago and so thought he was great (and I thought he must be a nut), until we realized what he meant and what his doctrine is. Now I like him and I suspect they don't.

UncleChicken said...

The only thing that marks this as fiction is the "Fan of Piper" comment. Other than that, I wouldn't be surprised in the least.

Ken said...

Oh was this a satirical post? I could have swore that this actually happened.

Pastor Erik DiVietro said...

Isn't this basically what
"Discover the champion in you" means?

That IS their slogan.

eklektontheou said...

This was great. I liked (satirical) Osteen's comment, "I still don't know where [Piper] gets all his material." I think that was the funniest part of the whole post!

Casey said...

Good call on the "probably will happen" label. This is so close to the truth it really isn't so much funny as it is sad.