12 March, 2008

Anointed Insoles

Responding to the growing popularity of prayer walking among evangelical charismatics, Dr. Scholl’s has boldly gone where no foot sole insert has gone before. The “Advantage Power Walk” foot insole is a soft cushioned insert prayed over by anointed men of God and guaranteed to produce powerful results in prayer walking.

Among others, televangelists Benny Hinn and Creflo Dollar both have jumped to be prominently among the first to endorse the new Advantage Power Walk foot insoles, citing statistics proving that prayer effectiveness surges when “the sole is at peace”.

“Comfort, O comfort my people” proclaimed Hinn on a recent Sunday at his World Healing Center Church, quoting Isaiah 40:1 and waving the golden hued inserts. “They’re called ‘advantage’ for a reason. We want everyone who loves our Lord to have a heavenly advantage when out prayer walking. Pick up a pair and get ready to feel the power flow!” While the power inserts normally retail for around $17, both Hinn and Dollar are offering them for $57 to fund ministry.

“They cost just a little more because I have personally laid hands of blessing on every single package we sell”, said Reverend Dollar. “The ministry is blessed by spiritually minded givers who depend on prayer, so we take special care to pray over what we sell and field test our products to make sure they are genuinely Holy Spirit energized.” How? “Just last week, I accompanied a semi truck loaded with these sanctified insoles through our city, praying for the lost in every home we passed. Church attendance rose immediately afterward, showing that something special had happened.”

Longtime World Changers Church International attendee Beth Charger agreed. “I don’t need to be told twice when the Holy Spirit speaks through Brother Creflo. I got my pair right away and have been prayer walking my neighborhood every evening for two weeks. Already I’ve noticed that houses that were closed tight in February are starting to open. Lately on my route, I’ve seen people outside in their yards and a few have even said hello. The Lord is really working!”

According to Hinn, one blessing to wearing the “power insouls” is that they are invisible to passersby. One can confidently pray silently while prayer walking without apparently being an aggressive warrior for God’s kingdom. Actually witnessing to people along the way while out prayer walking is, of course, a good thing, too.

Elder Jason Ricketts of Union Baptist Church in Peat Moss, Virginia rebutted, “Too bad the Apostle Paul didn’t have Dr. Scholl’s around to help him do effective prayer walking. Maybe that’s why the New Testament never mentions the practice.”

Charger disagrees, “Lots of our church members are out there prayer walking and witnessing now who before were just sitting at home. I’m just sorry for grumpy people who criticize what’s happening through these amazing anointed insoles. My experience is that they work! You can’t argue with that.”


Jerry Boyce said...

Sounds like these people are "soled out" about this porduct.

Stefan said...

It should be Rev. Dr. Scholl's, in keeping with the religious theme. (I chose the word "religious" deliberately.)

I'd never heard of "prayer walking" before. The first thing that came to mind was the emergent/contemplative-spirituality practice of walking around a mediaeval maze or labyrinth while praying devotions. So if McLaren and Bono get on board with blessing these things, then this could become a truly ecumenical trinket.

Peter Kirk said...

I thought of doing a follow-up to this about healing handkerchiefs which had only touched a great preacher, but then I read Acts 19:12 and realised that this would not be satire.

Darrin said...

'“Comfort, O comfort my people” proclaimed Hinn' - hilarious.
Good one, Bill.
Although this post must approach the peak of "insole-ence".

Joshua Krohse said...

Truth is at least as strange as fiction. As Purgatorio reported the folks at http://in-souls.com/ are selling something similar (only, I think they're serious).


Pastor Dan said...

Hey, saw your blog for the first time today. You have truly twistedly amazing minds to be able to come up with this stuff. I've especially enjoyed reading through your calvinist posts, and look forward to reading more every time I need a good laugh.


Darrin said...

I was just thinking, this product ought to catch on with Reformed believers, what with the 5 Sole-a's and all.

Stefan said...

Only Reformers with five feet.

RalphC said...

I'm thinking another good endorsee would be the Rev. Dr. Scholler and/or his son.

Oh, that's not how you spell their name? ;-)

Jim Pemberton said...

"Soled out" - hilarious, Jerry!

Next thing you know they'll be having "heeling" services. Benny Hinn would be a shoe-in for that, no? These are for those ministers who think they're toeing the line. It's amazing how lock-step they are in backing this product.