11 January, 2008

Top Republican Candidates Speak Out on Religious Views

On Wednesday TBNN was proud to bring you exclusive statements from the top two Democratic candidates for President, Senators Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama. Today we now turn our attention to the Republican side of the aisle. But in the case of the Republican candidates, we have more to read about. Thus far, four main candidates are are showing a strong running to win the nomination for their party, Senator John McCain, former New York Mayor Rudolph (Rudy) Giuliani, Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. Their statements are presented as follows in no particular order.

Mitt Romney:

"It's time to set the record straight about who I am and my faith. Yes, I am a Mormon, and proud to be. My faith to me is very important. It is the driving force in my life. But being a Mormon in American is difficult at times. We have suffered persecution and misunderstanding. Since announcing I would run for president I have had questions asked to me 'So Mitt, if elected would you wear your holy undies in the oval office?' and jokes like 'So, I guess there'll be no coffee or tea at the cabinet meetings' and my favorite 'So, are we going to change the name of Camp David to Camp Joseph Smith?' But I take all of these things in stride and with a grain of salt realizing that most people are just ignorant of what we really believe. And what do we really believe? We believe the same things you do. Mormonism is really no different from the Reformed Faith. We basically believe the same thing. And that's my encouragement to you. Don't let my Mormonism be a hindrance for you. Other than things like the Trinity, salvation by faith alone, baptism for the dead, etc. we really just believe the same things."

John McCain:

"Okay, I know what you're thinking. 'John McCain, what kind of Republican is he going to be? He's Episcopalian for crying out loud.' And believe me, I completely understand. Me and the other 17 Republicans in the Episcopal church often get together and discuss whether or not we should switch to another denomination or not, but it just always gets too complicated. But in all honesty, let me set your minds at ease. Although I'm an Episcopalian, I'm still a Republican and still a conservative. I don't know a lot about Reformed theology, but I've known a couple of Presbyterians in my life and they've all been really nice people on the whole, with the exception of this one old elder I knew who was always really grumpy. But that's beside the fact. The point is, um, well, I forgot the point. Just trust me. Vote for me. You won't regret it."

Rudolph (Rudy) Giuliani:

"Dear Reformed People. I thank you for this opportunity to share with you my views on religion. I grew up Roman Catholic and almost, at one time, entered the priesthood. But, as you all know, that never materialized, and so law and politics became my pursuits. But I want you to know that despite the fact that I support abortion and gay marriage that Pat Robertson has endorsed me. That's right folks, Pat endorses me. So if you're questioning whether or not I should be your next President, just say to yourself, "Well, Pat supports him, he must be okay.'"

Mike Huckabee:

"As most of you already know, I'm a Baptist. I have pastored churches in the past, and have been a member of the Southern Baptist convention almost all my life. While I realize that The SBC is not the friendliest place in the world to Calvinists, I can assure you with all honesty that I will be a president for all peoples, for Calvinists and Arminians. Under my administration, Calvinists will be welcomed and affirmed. I even have hopes for putting some Calvinists on my staff once in office. So fear not to vote for old Mike. Who knows, if I'm predestined to win (ha, ha ha,) it's going to happen right?"

3 comments:

Darrin said...

If just one of them had the doctrinal clarity and perspective which Hillary possesses ... (sigh).

By the way, I thought McCain WAS a Presbyterian when I saw that photo - then I read the caption. Good imitation! (Sorry guys.)

Robin said...

World Magazine reports that McCain attends a Baptist church with his wife (although he is not a member there)... so now what do we do with two 'Baptists' in the running?

Anya said...

Hysterical. Although it's not making me any more eager to vote.