Topeka, Kansas - We here at TBNN had the great privilege of sitting down recently with the controversial Rev. Fred Phelps, pastor of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka. Phelps and his congregation have recently been thrust in the public eye for protesting the funerals of fallen United States soldiers, equating the defense of America with a defense of homosexuality. During the interview TBNN was able to get to the real issues that are important to Phelps.
TBNN: "Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to grant this interview, Reverend. May I call you Fred?"
Phelps: "You can call me whatever you want."
TBNN: "Great! Thanks Freddie. Let me get straight to the point here, you're obviously not concerned with whether or not people like you, so what is your ultimate goal in holding these protests and pickets."
Phelps: "Our goal?"
TBNN: "Yes, what is your aim?"
Phelps: "Our aim is to tell these rotten horse droppings that they're going to hell and that there's nothing they can do about it."
TBNN: "So, you tell them that they're going to hell, and you stop right there?"
Phelps: "Of course, braino! What else are we supposed to say?"
TBNN: "So when you tell someone that they're going to hell, do you consider that to be 'preaching the gospel'?"
Phelps: [laughs] "Look, I can see where this is going. You're just like everyone else who thinks God loves everyone, and that all we have to do is tell everyone how much God loves them and they'll just accept him. But the gospel is telling people that God hates them and they can't do anything about it and that they're going to hell when they die!"
TBNN: "Well, actually as a Calvinist myself I don't believe exactly as you say, but that aside, doesn't the word 'gospel' mean 'good news?'"
Phelps: "What are you getting at braino?"
TBNN: "Well, Phelpsy, Scripture seems to indicate that 'preaching the gospel' involves both a presentation of one's sin and his standing before God and also the hope that may be found in Jesus Christ. Come to think of it, I've rarely ever heard you mention Jesus in any of your 'sermons'. Isn't the gospel supposed to be the 'good news of Jesus Christ?'"
Phelps: [laughs] "You sound just like one of those namby-pamby kissy-poo preachers always talking about mercy, grace, salvation and Jesus. When we tell someone that they're going to hell and that there's nothing they can do to stop it, it is good news, good news to us! You just don't get it do you? Have you ever read Jonathan Edward's Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God braino?"
TBNN: "Actually I have Fredrika. I like it and agree with it. Have you ever read his sermon Pardon for the Greatest of Sinners?"
Phelps: [laughs] "You imbecile, he didn't write any other sermons!"
TBNN: "Um, actually he did. He preached hundreds of sermons. Now he believed in being blunt with people about sin and the need for repentance, but he also told people about Christ. And he was a Calvinist too."
Phelps: "You're a lying son of Belial!"
TBNN: "It's true, look it up."
Phelps: "What church do you go to?"
TBNN: "Me, well I'm a member of a Presbyterian church, PCA."
Phelps: "You bunch of paedo-baptists, you're all going to hell!"
TBNN: "So you're saying a paedo-baptist cannot be saved Freddy man?"
Phelps: "Absolutely! There's no place in heaven for anyone who believes any point of doctrine other than what we believe here at Westboro Baptist Church."
TBNN: "Well that presents a problem then because Jonathan Edwards was a paedo-baptist, and another preacher whom you often quote, Spurgeon, actually believed that Arminian brothers and sisters in Christ would go to heaven."
Phelps: "GET OUT! GET OUT YOU LYING FILTHY NO-GOOD FOOL. GET OUT!!!!"
Thus my interview with the Rev. Phelps came to a close. Unfortunately I never got to ask him about Ezekiel 33:11.