13 November, 2007

SBC Celebrates “Real Christian Sunday”

NASHVILLE, TN – Most evangelicals in America do not realize that this past Sunday (11/11) was Southern Baptists’ annual celebration of “Real Christian Sunday.”

“Not many people know about this,” reported Morris Chapman, head of the SBC’s Executive Committee. “Actually, it’s kind of embarrassing so we don’t announce it much outside of Southern Baptist circles.”

What is “Real Christian Sunday”? It is the Sunday of the year when the highest percentage of truly saved people attend SBC churches.

TBNN has discovered that the reasons for this are a bit involved, but still understandable. It all begins with “Homecoming.” Homecoming is an annual celebration in most SBC churches. It is when everyone who used to be a member of the church is invited back for a big Sunday celebration. Despite the fact that there is no biblical evidence to support the existence of this festival, it still takes place (click here for more info). However, very few former members actually return to the church. What really happens is that all the members who hardly ever come to church show up on Homecoming Sunday.

In order to make sure that lots of people show up at Homecoming, it is usually scheduled for the Sunday that we roll our clocks back. This gives the folks an extra hour of sleep before they have to get up and go to church. That is why most Homecoming celebrations were scheduled for Sunday November 4th of this year.

In addition, many churches promote Homecoming Sunday as being “High Attendance Sunday.” Members are encouraged to bring anyone, including relatives who are members at other churches, with them on Homecoming. This has caused Homecoming Sunday to be the most well-attended day of the year, surpassing even Easter and the Sunday before Christmas.

Rev. Devin Boyles, senior pastor of the First Baptist Church of Knoxville, TN, told TBNN, “Homecoming should really be renamed ‘Slacker Member Sunday,’ because that is when all of the slackers who usually stay home show up at church. I don’t know half their names because they never come otherwise.”

There is a silver lining, however, to Homecoming: the next Sunday none of the slackers feel a need to show up for church. Therefore, only the truly saved members attend. Pastor Wilson Parks, of Grace Baptist Fellowship (Albany, GA), informed us, “We wanted to name the Sunday after Homecoming ‘Regenerate Church Member Sunday’ because that is when only the real Christians in our church show up. Unfortunately, no one could understand what ‘regenerate’ meant. That’s why all the SBC churches just refer to it as ‘Real Christian Sunday.’”

Many pastors secretly look forward to the Sunday after Homecoming as their favorite Sunday of the year. Rev. Boyles said, “I can’t say this in my church, but I just love Real Christian Sunday. When only the regenerate members attend, we don’t have to deal with all of the gossip, back-biting, arguments over money, and focus on college football that we normally have to deal with. There is such a sweet spirit when the wheat gathers without all of the tares. The only downside was that only three of my twelve deacons bothered to attend on Real Christian Sunday.”

11 comments:

Creflo Dollar said...

In MY church, we got Real Money Sunday.

That's when you bring Real Money to put in the Real Plate so that God can Really Bless You!

Now, God don't bless change...The Lord only blesses Green, Folding Cash, preferably in nonsequential bills.

You bring Real Money, you will get a Real Blessing.

That's some pie! Hah!

PaPaMarc said...

Speaking of the SBC, I thought for a minute that you had posted this.
http://www.ncbaptist.org/index.php?id=353&no_cache=1&tx_ttnews[tt_news]=131&tx_ttnews[backPid]=352&cHash=71388bc9c8
Don't get me wrong, I hope they are saved but...

Joe Blackmon said...

And just what exactly is wrong with discussing college football in church? After all, you know God is an Alabama fan. It says so in the hymnal. "Dark is the stain that we cannot hide/What can avail to wash it away?/Look, there is flowing a CRIMSON TIDE!!!!!!!

As a Southern Baptist, that is the only 3rd verse of any hymn I know anyway. Somebody pass that fried chicken.

Darrin said...

The more animosity I see against sovereign grace in our church and the SBC at large, the more I can appreciate statements like "no one could understand what 'regenerate' meant". Thankfully there are those in the SBC who still uphold historic Christian doctrines.
Sola gratia.

Cristy said...

I'm just curious about something. I think that this is the 2nd Homecoming related story that you've written, so I was wondering if you are not in favor of the idea of Homecoming in general, or just in the SBC. I realize that nowhere in the Bible does it talk about Homecoming, but I think that the principle of remembering what God has done for you could be said to apply here. I didn't grow up SBC, I grew up in and independent baptist church, and we would have Homecoming on the Sunday when our church officially became a church, which happens to be in May. It was always a really special Sunday of remembrance of God's work and of fellowship. We actually did have people "come home" who had moved away for this special Sunday.

I'm not complaining about your article, by the way, I think it was good. I was just curious about what you thought.

Jeff said...

That explains why our attendance was down by 20 % this past week. Whew - I thought it was becasue everybody was out deer hunting!

Elder Eric said...

Cristy,

It sounds like your church has a Homecoming celebration that focuses on the Lord. That sounds good to me.

I've been in the SBC for the past 10 years. I've also been a part of three SBC churches that had Homecoming Sundays. At all three churches, they amounted to celebrations of the church itself. It was also when all of the "inactive" members decided to show up to ease their consciences. I'm afraid that what I have described is the norm for Homecoming. Your church seems to be in the minority.

Because of all this, I think that, in general, it would be better to do away with Homecoming all together. SBC churches at least need to ask themselves why they have Homecoming Sunday.

EE

Hosted by Bill Shiell said...

Thanks for the nice comment on Knoxville, but the current pastor of FBC is yours truly, not Devin the Boyle-orama

Cristy said...

EE,

Thanks for your time to respond. I do think that the church I grew up in was unique in many ways, the more that I learn about other churches, the more I think my church is unique. Anyway, I appreciate your response. Knowing your experiences helps me understand your article even better!

Rhett said...

Good stuff! I love it. :D

Elder Eric said...

Bill Shiell,

Sorry about the mix-up. It is difficult to always have to come up with new names for churches. Thanks for reading.

EE