06 October, 2007

SinWatchers: When Entire Sanctification Doesn't Seem to Work

LEFT: Before SinWatchers

RIGHT: After SinWatchers

Results not typical

Jericho, NY – “My SinWatchers support group is so awesome. I finally feel in control of my sin,” said Marge Knickers who claims she has tried all the fad sin-elimination plans. Most were just unrealistic for Marge, “Don’t sin this! Don’t sin that! Live a completely holy life here. Live a completely holy life there. After a decade of watching my sin levels bounce from sinlessness one week to blatant sins the next, I eventually became aware that it was going to be impossible to completely eliminate sin from my life,” admitted Marge.

Back in her high school days, Marge had tried to follow the sin-free plan of her Youth Minister at Fairwood Baptist Church—abstaining completely from the big three: alcohol, sex, and dancing. She was perfect almost all of high school until she ended up pregnant after getting drunk at the senior prom.

Four years later, as a single mom of 3 boys and working part-time at Walcot’s Fireworks Stand during season, Marge met William Bartley, pastor of the First Zion Chapel of Loving Attitudes Toward the Great Redeemer of Blessings Holiness Church. That Sunday she saw clearly her state and wanted to change. She walked the aisle and admitted to having a sin problem. Pastor Bartley baptized her. After she received the second blessing, Pastor Bartley urged her to eliminate sin from her life. She vowed to stop cutting her hair, only wear long dresses, quit watching movies, and never touch illegal drugs again. She attended church 7 weeks in a row until a new and improved job paying $6.85 at the Piggley Wiggley forced her to work on Sundays. It was not long before she was spotted sporting an orange mohawk and wearing shorts and handcuffs after being caught smoking weed in the Dollar Theatre.

After years of struggle with her sin, Marge felt so unfit, confessing that she could not last even one hour of the day without committing a major sin. She became addicted to cigarettes, make-up, and M.A.S.H reruns. “I could be so good for a time. I could be so pure for a while. I thought I could be as good as the other Holiness women, but it was impossible for me.” Every time Marge attempted to eliminate sin completely, she would eventually go on a sin-binge. “Trying not to sin at all just made things worse. ”

“What Marge needed was an intermediate step,” said 21st Century Reformed Holiness Pastor Jeremiah Gilferd, SinWatchers liason for 21st Century Reformed Holiness Churches. “You can’t just go from big sinner to sinless person overnight.”

The concept was taken from the popular WeightWatchers program. The entire idea behind WeightWatchers is NOT to stop eating. The purpose is not to do away with your weight completely. The purpose is to watch your weight. “We know, because we are human, we must have weight. It just needs to be controlled,” said Pastor Gilferd. SinWatchers is similar in that, a person must realize that we are all sinners. We are going to sin.”

As a reformed holiness pastor, Gilferd is adamant that, since we are not going to eliminate sin completely in the early years of the second blessing, we should watch it better, even planning to commit smaller sins. “Since you must sin and since you are going to sin, why not focus on the smaller sins and keep your total sins in check? Focusing on the smaller sins prevents a person from overindulging in something really detrimental. “

SinWatcher slogans include:

· Take control of your sin with SinWatchers. Choose the sin level that best fits you.

· Sin Watchers will assist you in planning a consistent reasonable amount of smaller daily sins.

· Eliminate sin-binging. Keep your sin in check with SinWatchers.

The amount of sin points an individual receives each day depends on the Watchers current spiritual maturity level. For example, Marge started out at 88 points per day based on her church attendance, two divorces, and the four TVs in her home. Now, she is able to make it through the day with 23 points on average. Each week, she meets with a support group to share breakthroughs. Recent helpful suggestions include:

· Divide your sin points over at least three periods during the day so they don’t stand out in your mind or the minds of others.

· Imagination: Imagining a sin rather than actually committing the sin reduces points by 75%.

· Combination: Combine minor sins for more effect. Watching one hour of Dukes of Hazzard while gossiping, cuts in half the hourly points assessed for each.

Specific “small” sins that may help you prevent bigger serious sins include:

· By scheduling a daily “light gossip session” for example, a middle-aged lady is able to able to release some of the desire to sin, and maybe avoid a much worse “slander” sin.

· Men of all ages, for example, may schedule to daily recall an improper visual image from childhood, and thus reduce a current pornography addiction.

· Someone prone to murder may choose to plan a punching bag session while imagining to smash the face of a co-worker, avoiding the actual murder.

There are some sins that just don’t fit into the program, period! No amount of points are tolerated for all the biggies: adultery, mormanism, murder, rape, hard rock music, and sermons by any of the 4 Johns (Piper, MacArthur, Calvin, or Edwards).


Cristy said...

This was really creative! I had a good laugh! Thanks!

Chris said...

Instead of a WeightWatchers approach to lessen sin, what about an Atkins approach? Then you just eliminate one sin (like carbohydrates) but feel free to gorge all you want on another sin (as in fat and proteins)

I thought of this while I finished a case of Guinness this morning.

Darrin said...

I'm glad they at least clarified that MASH reruns are much less grevious than sermons by Piper and his ilk. THAT stuff can get you converted!