04 September, 2007

Pope Says Protestant Blogs are not "Real" Blogs

VATICAN CITY - In July, Pope Benedict XVI declared that Christian communities outside the Roman Catholic Faith are not real churches. Read more about that by clicking here.

Today the Pope took his agenda to an even further stage by declaring that Protestant blogs are not "real" blogs. In a move not even predicted by the body of Cardinals, the Pope released a statement to the press that reads, "The Mother Roman Church is the source of all truth and light in this world. Therefore, a blogger has to be affiliated with the Catholic faith in order to post anything truthful or of real substance. By definition, then, all Protestant blogs must not be real blogs. In fact, many of them are what we would call false blogs."

The reaction was swift and strong from prominent Protestant bloggers. For example, Al Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, told TBNN, "This is another example of the Pope's desire to set up the Catholic Church as the one true faith. He is further alienating himself from Protestants who would like to work with Catholics to serve our communities. He is taking us back to before Vatican II."

In this latest Papal Bull, named Exsurge Bloggerae, Pope Benedict claimed that Roman Catholic salvation is based on a combination of faith and the sacraments. This is because, "God needs our cooperation in these acts of grace, shown by us when we partake of the wine and cookie." He stated that Protestant salvation is based on faith alone, which is "ridiculous."

The Vatican has previously listed several blog topics that it encourages Catholics all around the world to read about. According to Pope Benedict, "We desire that Catholic bloggers read and post about our key doctrines and practices such as the Mother Goddess, the Eucharist, Purgatory, prayers to the saints, prayers for the dead, the blessings of repeating the Rosary 666 times, and, of course, Papal infallibility."

Benedict went on, in his bull, to name several Protestant blogs in particular that are of extreme concern to the Roman Church. As certain writings were banned in the past (Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, and, oh yes, the Bible), certain blogs have now been banned to all members of the Catholic faith.

TBNN has learned that the banned blogs, which have all within the last day received a sharp upward spike in number of hits, are the worst in the eyes of the Pope. He has deemed them the Sinister Seven. The 7 are: Al Mohler, Desiring God, Founders Ministries, Provocations and Pantings, TBNN (naturally), Tom's Blog, and Elder Eric's blog.

Another list of the next seven banned blogs may be released on January 1st. Our sources tell TBNN that there may even be an Arminian blog on the new list. Stay tuned for details.

15 comments:

Richard Boyce said...

Hahahaha. Fairly certain you just damned yourself with that one.

I noticed I didn't seen Warren or Osteen's name on the list....

The none and only. said...

Go get'em Pope. You have to cut the spreading of false doctrine at the grass roots level. I received my draft notice for the guard. We are bringing back the Inquisition.

HA. As a born and raised Catholic I thought this was hilarious. Great writing.

Lee Shelton said...

Once again, the doctrine of sola blogda is under attack.

Darrin said...

"Benedict went on, in his bull, ..." -Don't know if that was intentionally funny.
I think you just need to make him da pope of your life. (See Sept. 1)

pilgrim said...

This si the best one in a long time--and that's a compliment.
Great picture for it as well.

What ever happened to us being "separated bloggers"?

Cody - Taking Back Vatican II said...

"In July, Pope Benedict XVI declared that Christian communities outside the Roman Catholic Faith are not real churches."

This is inaccurate on two accounts. First, the pope did not say anything. It was an office within the Vatican. Learn the difference if you're going to write on this.

Second, the document said that Protestant communities are not churches in the proper sense because they did not maintain apostolic succession. It did NOT say that communities outside the Catholic Church are not churches, because that would include Eastern Orthodox Churches, which did maintain apostolic succession and are true churches.

Team Tominthebox News Network said...

Cody,

Thanks for the comment. First of all, it's a joke, take it or leave it. This whole site is one big joke. We make up stuff. We say that on the front page.

Secondly, okay, so it came from an "office within the Vatican." How does that change the declaration one iota? Are you trying to say that the Pope then had nothing to do with what was declared. Are there a bunch of offices around the Vatican that just release statements ex cathedra without the Pope's knowledge?

Finally, if a protestant church is is not a church in the "proper sense" then it is a church in the "improper sense." An improper church is, ergo, not a true church. Christianity is dependent upon exactness.

-Tom

TSRFan-John said...

I followed a link over from Founder Ministries and you had me with the headline. Very funny. You've been added to my feed reader. Hope they are all this good.

Bob Cleveland said...

Uhhhh ....Team Tominthebox News Network... shouldn't the logo be TTNN?

Team Tominthebox News Network said...

Bob,

Assuming your real name is Robert shouldn't your nickname be "Rob" and not "Bob." Let's face it, you don't hear anyone being called Bobbert.

Seriously, the name of the blog used to simply be Tominthebox News Network. TBNN was the abbreviation for that. "T" stood for "Tominthe" and the "B" for "Box." I assume you can figure out the rest.

So when the blog expanded from just one person to a team we added team in the official name but kept the abbreviated form. It's also our call sign on the Tokyo exchange, and that would have caused a lot of problems with investors.

Finally, in Al Crafton's fictional futuristic series The Net of Laydon in which an evil overlord takes over Sierra Leone our network is mentioned as "That of TBNN did come forth in the time of trouble." We wanted to keep that connection for posterity sake.

Thanks for the comment.

-Tom

Jesse Light said...

This story would be much more believable if the number one banned blog was be the AOMin blog. Other than that, this was great.

Doug said...

"Finally, in Al Crafton's fictional futuristic series The Net of Laydon in which an evil overlord takes over Sierra Leone our network is mentioned as "That of TBNN did come forth in the time of trouble." We wanted to keep that connection for posterity sake."

I thought the story was funny enough, but then you hit me with this one. Do you know how painful it is having sunflower seed blown out of your nose?

Next time, I'll have to read this blog in a "no-snack-food zone."

pilgrim said...

DOug--you're not the only one who learned the hard way--do not eat or drink while reading this site

lala said...

That's hilarious

chestiuni said...

it's funny but can you point the source of this news?
I mean the one in which the Pope says something about blogs...
if you do know the source please publish it