13 September, 2007

Church Gets Honest about Room Names

BRATTLEBORO, VT - When pastor Wilson Davies first arrived at Highland United Methodist Church, he told himself that he wouldn't change anything during his first year there. According to Davies, "I wanted to gain the trust of the people, and it seemed best to me to leave everything as it was for the first year. Well, I managed to make it through seven months, but then one thing in particular just had to change."

Pastor Davies has told TBNN that just before he moved to the church earlier this year, the previous pastor decided to re-name the "Sanctuary," which is now called the "Worship Center." This seems to be a more honest name. Mrs. Sandra Baker, a long-time member of Highland UMC, informed TBNN, "Ever since we moved to contemporary worship a few years ago, our main meeting room has not been much of a sanctuary. However, we all agree that there is a lot of worship going on. We sing at least seven praise choruses each service."

In light of the change to "Worship Center," Davies has proposed that the church should be more honest about the names of the other church rooms. "Why be honest about one room, but cover things up about the others?" he asked TBNN.

Some of the new, proposed names have caused a stir within the body, but Davies thinks it's for the best. "We have a special church meeting scheduled for this coming Monday night. At that time, we'll discuss the new names for a bit, and then vote on the changes room-by-room. I'm praying for a 100% change."

Pastor Davies' proposed changes (in no particular order) are as follows, with the old name first, followed by the proposed name:

Church office - Administration Center

Prayer room - Meditation Center

Gym - Fun Center

Kitchen - Gossip Center

Fellowship hall - Gluttony Center

Board room - Pride & Power Center

Nursery - Daycare Center

Children's Sunday School rooms - Craft Center

Youth room - Carnality Center

Mrs. Baker, who was quoted earlier in this article, has seen these proposed names. "I can't say I'm too thrilled with all of them, but there is certainly some truth mixed in to some. I have to admit that I am a bit scared to venture back into the Youth room."

We at TBNN asked Pastor Davies how he thought the church would respond to him personally at Monday night's meeting. He answered, "Oh, I think they will be pleased by this. We all know that it's critical to tell the truth, so I think they will both applaud the move and vote for all the changes."


Richard Boyce said...

Hahahaha. Nice one, Eric.

jamesr said...

Choir Room - We don't have a choir anymore!

Electrical Room - On & Off Center.

Les said...

Very funny! :) I love how everything is a "center" nowadays...how appropriate that our churches "get with the times" in that area too!

Nate said...

Don't forget the most important room in the church: The Foyer, erhh... I mean the "Starbucks Refill Center".

Brother Slawson said...

Last night at the coffee-gossip meeting (formally called Wed Night Prayer services), our pastor accidently said "I know I'm preaching to the choir..." He had to correct himself and said "... I mean... I'm speaking to the praise band..."

jamesr said...

Forgive me for my morbid sense of humor...and my puns.

Storage Room - Dead Center

(Things tend to die of old age in the back of closets, I've been led to believe.)

If the Storage Room is on the uppermost floor, it's "Top Dead Center".

If in the basement, it's "Bottom Dead Center".

Elder Eric said...

No puns or other ideas are too corny for TBNN.

Keep the good thoughts coming.

Anonymous said...

Usher's room - "Cent Center"
Ladies' room - "Scent Center"

For Christmas, entire church can be advertised as "The Santa Center".

Darrin said...

Didn't mean to be Anonymous - I just can't use a keyboard!

Darrin said...

To complete the corny trend I started,
Mission committee meeting room -"Sent Center"

And, I was also thinking,
Room where Aerobics classes meet - "Center of Mass"

pilgrim said...

Craft Center--good one. Although our church does crafts with the kids it is not at the expense of the Bible--we have a strong cirriculum for them. But I suspect in many cheurches Craft Centre is appropriate.

Of course we in Canada know these rooms would actually be "Centres"
(centre is a place or building, etc., center is the middle of something.)

Just saying...

Anonymous said...

Would the area around the front door be called the "Enter Center?"

BTW, is the picture of the rowdy teens from an actual youth group?

- Pilgrim from www.ReformationNation.net

Lane Chaplin said...

Even if the rooms don't get changed officially, I think there have already been wonders done in just bringing this to the light.