31 August, 2007

Wanted: Senior Pastor

The First Presbyterian Church of Warrington, South Carolina is again seeking a senior pastor. We are a congregation of about 100 active members established in 1875. Duties include all preaching and teaching responsibilities for Sunday morning and Sunday nights with exegetical sermons an average length of 45 minutes. Pastor will also be responsible for all teachings on Wednesday nights and the adult Sunday School class. In addition we are currently without a youth pastor, so the pastor will also be temporarily responsible for all youth activities, Bible studies and fellowships. Pastor is also responsible for all hospital/shut-in/sick visitation of members, former members, close friends of either as well as any family of the stated by a relationship of 4th cousin twice removed or better.

The pastor will be expected to plan an lead an annual missions trip and coordinate all fund raising activities for the trip.

We believe it is the call of a pastor to be in touch with his people. The pastor should be available 24/7 to talk with any member of the congregation or the above stated persons either face to face or on the phone. Furthermore, the pastor will be held personally directly responsible for the spiritual well-being of every member of the congregation.

We also believe it is important for the pastor to make himself known throughout the community at large as a means of outreach for our church. The pastor will be expected to attend all special sporting events of the youth of the church including all homecoming events, chaperoning the high school dance, prom night, playoffs, and any cheer leading competitions and or functions. Furthermore we highly encourage and anticipate ministry to persons in the community at large above and beyond ministry within the church so far as it does not interfere with the immediate responsibilities to the above stated persons associated with our congregation.

The Pastor will also be present at all Session meetings, Diaconate meetings, and all committee meetings including Women in the Church.

The pastor's wife will be expected to teach children's Sunday School and head up the Christian Education committee as well as plan all Summer VBS functions, and hold a ladies' Bible study without compensation.

The pastor will also be available for all funerals and weddings of any of the above stated persons regardless of when it occurs or what personal circumstances might be going on in his life of the life of his family.

Duties are expected to take approximately 40 hours per week, with two weeks of vacation per year. A manse is provided, but needs some work. You might want to investigate purchasing your own house. Annual salary will be $35,000 if you pay for your own health policy. You must have your own cell phone and reliable vehicle. It is expected that the Pastor's wife will work also to supplement income.

Inquiries may be made to Ruling Elder Dave Wellington Sr., Ruling Elder, Dave Wellington Jr., or Ruling Elder, Dave Wellington III. Further questions may also be address to either Deacon Everett Wellington Sr. or Deacon Everett Wellington Jr.

20 comments:

John Dekker said...

Is this your church? Or have you taken to posting advertisements now? That's very disappointing. You're obviously using your popularity to make a fast buck.

Please, bring back the funny stuff.

Team Tominthebox News Network said...

John,

I hope you're joking or being sarcastic. If you think this is a real advertisement then I pity your funny bone or lack thereof.

I would say that anyone who doesn't find this post at least a little funny (and a little sad) has probably looked at it and saw his own reflection staring back at him.

-Tom

Richard Boyce said...

As a seminary student, this one hit a little closer to home. Sad part is, this is probably the norm and not the exception. We seem to think our pastors are here for us to flail with a whip if they fail to meet our every call.

Natalie said...

Thomas, thanks for the laugh! It was a great way to start my morning! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were the pastor.

You're hilarious!

Natalie Thompson
Pastor's Wife

Darrin said...

I don't think he should have to go to cheerleading competitions.

Pastor Bob said...

You forgot one thing in the job qualifications and description...

"It is also expected that the pastor must keep a strong family life and manage well his own household in the midst of these duties listed."

Sewing said...

From what I've heard anecdotally and others have alluded to here, this sounds too painfully close to reality!

I like how the hypothetical writers of the ad figure all that work will only take 40 hours per week. Very convenient. They could make a pretty penny in the IT industry estimating how much time and effort is required to accomplish any particular project.

Preston said...

I could take this position and cut my responsibilities in half

Scott W. Kay said...

You nailed it!!!

Would to God that churches realized how ridiculous they are in expecting HALF as much for TWICE that money! Any casual perusal of church job postings on the web will quickly reveal that what you have written here is really no satire at all. It's just the truth.

Painfully funny!

Brother Slawson said...

But ::grin:: what about all the arguments about "take no thought for tomorrow?" It seems that pastors, if anybody, should strive to abide by that one, huh? Rather than an actual stated "salary," seems it would be more Biblical to go to simple donations. Maybe put a jar near the alter... kindda like a tip jar at the neighborhood sno-cone stand?

Richard Boyce said...

Tom, you gotta see this to believe it.


http://www.pastorfinder.com/job.asp?id=552

Marian said...

Been there. Done that. Got the Tshirt. And RAN AWAY!!!!
Marian
Retired Pastor's Wife

DoGLover said...

Hey, where do I sign? You gave it away by stating the salary upfront. A REAL church would simply say the salary was "to be negotiated" in the hope of getting a better deal. After all, why pay $35,000 when you can get someone for $30,000? Just think of what you could do with the extra $5,000. You could save it, keep it, hold onto it, or even invest it - maybe.

Sewing said...

Richard Boyce, that one's a joke, right?

Now, if there were one for a tentmaker-pastor, it might at least be intriguing....

Timotheus said...

Great post. The list of elders and deacons was brilliant.

Richard Boyce said...

Sewing, rest assured that that posting was not a joke. If you go to pastorfinder.com and browse the job listings for senior pastor, you'll find it.

That's one of the many ways the emerging corner is 'putting a fresh, new, exciting perspective on the Gospel message'. ("Hmmm. Jesus died in my place. How can I make this funny?")


I spend numerous hours a week working on my Hebrew homework, in addition to my Bible classes, doctrine classes, and personal evangelism classes. Imagine my relief when I saw that there are churches looking for senior pastors with no education or experience. All I have to do is be funny!


Yeah....anyways. No joke, sadly.

Vaughan Smith said...

Related elders... yeesh!

martha said...

i knew it was a joke when all of the demands were stated up front. that has never happened to us, but many of those demands are unspoken and expected...it just takes a few months to find it out!
now we proactively ask things like what are your expectations of the pastor's wife, etc. it saves a lot of grief down the road.
funny but very close to home. martha (pastor's wife 39 yrs.)

orthopodeo said...

So sad, but true. At one online search site, I did an inquiry for an open pastoral position in Georgia, wherein the church believed in the priority of biblical teaching, in addition to affirming inerrancy and the doctrines of grace, and found only one church south of Atlanta.

A Pastor's Wife ;) said...

I'm a bit late on commenting but this is sooooo true in too many churches. My husband is a pastor in between jobs and much of the reasoning is found within this post. Wow. Nail on the head.