04 August, 2007

Sound Biblical Doctrine... Hallelujah


Columbus, Ohio – Note: TBNN is pleased to have Rod Parsley as Saturday Morning's guest writer.

Rod: “I’m happy to fill in today for Brother Slawson. But I must warn you, you won’t get any satire from me. What I’m gonna present is the sound Biblical doctrine. Nothing else but sound… did anyone hear me?... I said sound, yes… sound Biblical doctrine. Nothing else. Forget that satire. Do I hear an ‘Amen?’

"I’m glad you’re reading this post today because I believe you will receive a special blessing from reading with us today. I want you to focus and concentrate all the efforts you can. Reach within yourself. Feel within yourself. Use your mind. Use your brain, hallelujah. Can I get an 'Amen' anywhere here, hallelujah.

"As I was saying, brothers and sisters, we here at TBN... um... I mean TBNN want readers. We want you to read and read and keep on reading. The only way... I say the only way... I'll say it again... the ONLY way for you to get sound Biblical doctrine is to read sound Biblical doctrine. Read when you wake up, read at work, and read before you go to bed. Tell others to read. Tell your grandma to read. No one is too old to read. I say this because I believe, especially today with today’s post, that if you read it, you will understand more things. Your mind will expand. As you read, the truth will be revealed.

"You know, Joseph was a reader, hallelujah. Joseph read dreams. He read dreams when those who dreamed those dreams couldn’t even remember they had dreamed them. Hmmm? You tell me that’s not reading? You tell me that’s not reading? Well I know you are reading today so you can receive a blessing. And I believe you will, hallelujah. You're getting the truth today. Nothing else. Only sound Biblical doctrine.

"Which of our readers believes he will receive a blessing? Who? Who? Who? You know who you are. You know if you are reading this right now and thinking, 'I don’t want to be here reading this.' But you must, you must, you must you must, hallelujah. Right where you are, give out a shout! Give it out! Give it out! Give it out and give it up! You know you can’t receive any blessings until you read from the heart. Read it… Read it… Read it… hallelujah.

"Like the writing on the wall, you must read, brothers and sisters. You don’t want to miss a blessing. You must see the writing on the wall before it’s too late. See it. Some of you see it, shout 'hallelujah' if you see it. You are reading. You are here reading right now for a special purpose, hallelujah. I see right now we are less than 250 away from 76,000 visits to this site since it began earlier this year. I want that gap closed today. I want us to meet 76,000 and pass it up. Let's fly right on by 76,000. Maybe even 76,100 before midnight tonight. I want to see it. I have the faith. Do you? Keep reading if you do. Keep reading if you have the faith. Keep reading for sound Biblical doctrine.

"Do you hear me? Can you hear me? Do you really want a blessing? Are you really sure you want a blessing? A blessing? I’m talking about a real, in the heart, deep down, in the mind, using everything you’ve got to feel that blessing. Feel it. Amen. Can I get an 'amen?' Can I get an 'amen?' Amen, hallelujah.

"Some of you are tempted to stop reading right now. Stop those thoughts. Rebuke those thoughts. Don't you touch click that 'X'. Don't you click that 'Back'. I know your flesh thinks it doesn’t need to read right now. Rebuke it! Rebuke it! Rebuke it now! Read on, brothers and sisters. You think I've acquired all of my possessions by sleeping? You’ve got to get your eyes focused. You’ve got to read with those piercing eyes. If you’ve only got one eye. You’ve got to read with it. Use what you have. Have faith that you can see with both eyes and you will. Just believe it. Believe it! You can only receive a blessing if you read. If you have no eyes, get someone to read for you.

"I’ve traveled the world. I was in Boswana and Peru and Nosgales. You know we had people reading all over. We preach sounnd doctrine all over the world. People are reading reading reading reading. You know how they get a blessing? You know how you get sound Biblical doctrine? By doing just what you are doing today. By reading. If you’re glad to be sitting here reading let me hear you say 'Amen.' I want to hear it louder. Louder. Louder. Say 'Amen' if you are receiving a blessing from reading. You know you’ve got it if you said Amen. Say it again. Shout it! Shout it! Shout it! Hallelujah.

"This is no 'tea leaves' service. This is no magic show. This is true reading. We have real readers out there brothers and sisters. Real readers seeking sound Biblical doctrine. You read. You read. When you’ve exhausted everything, you still read. You must persevere. You must. Read on! Read on! Read on! Click a few links on this site and then come right back here. You can help us out. Build up our page views. Send links to your friends. I want to see 76,000. Just 76,150 is all I want to see today. At least 75,800. It would be downright sinful to see less than 75,800. Keep reading, hallelujah. If you really want a blessing, you must keep reading. Click and read. Read and click. I know some of you are feeling it now. We aren’t like those other blogs. We have real material. We have real reading. We have sound Biblical doctrine. Like today. If you feel it, say 'hallelujah'. If you feel feel feel it. Oh man, hand me a towel. Hand me a towel so I can see to read more. The readers need to read. Hand me a towel.

"Who else read in the Bible? Who else? Wait. Wait. Hold on, brothers and sisters. I have the answer. It’s coming to me. I think it’s coming to me now. Yes! It was Theo. Theo was a reader. Theophilus? Yeah, that’s it! Theo was a reader. He read Luke. He read Acts most likely. Luke was a great historian. Theo read Luke. He read it. Luke wrote it, so Theo read it. What else could he do with it? Was he going to eat it? No! He was going to read it. Let me hear you say it! Read it! Was he going to use it to prop up a short leg on his table? I should think not! Do you hear me brothers and sisters? Let me hear an 'amen.' Theo was a reader. Theo was a reader. No table-proping here. No table propers there. Here a table-proper there a table proper everywhere a table proper? Not here, hallelujah. This is sound Biblical doctrine.

"I'm going to have to stop writing soon. I hate to have to leave. Before I let you go, I must… I must… I must ask you. Have you read today? Have you felt the reading of today deep down? I say… I say… I say… Have you read today? Did you sit and stare at letters or did you make a choice to read today? Did you make a choice to read this very page with all the letters and spaces? You know you can even read spaces. You can. I do it. I do it. You should try it. Look at the spaces. They are there for a reason. They are important. The punctuation. It’s there! It’s there for a reason. Moses used punctuation. We know Moses used Punctuation. Just look in the original. Look right here in the original. Open your Bible. What do you see? Punctuation! Punctuation. Why? Why? Why? So you can read it hallelujah. What else do you see? Page numbers! That's right. Page numbers! So you can keep track of where you've read. Thank you for reading with us today. We know you received a blessing, hallelujah.

"You won’t get meat and substance on many of the other blogs like this post today. Don’t try. You may hurt yourself. Hmmm? Amen. Substance. Substance. Substance. That’s what my ministry is all about. So read. Read. And when you’ve done all to read. Read more."

5 comments:

nora said...

Hallelujah! I read it, and I DID receive a special blessing -- I laughed my head off!!! Can I get a witness?!

Jeff Voegtlin said...

Amen

Hallelujah!

Shake that bush. Is it a mulberry bush? or a burning bush?

Don't know exactly.

Love the way you shuck the corn, amen.

Timotheus said...

Brilliance, the best of the past couple of weeks.

Joseph said...

funny stuff, man.

I love the part about getting more clicks!

les said...

Laughed out loud at work...almost even shouted "Hallelujah!" (I'm certain I would have received some funny looks), but I did read! All the way! I read praise the Lord! Hallelujah!