30 August, 2007

Book a Flight - Get a Free Book!

HOUSTON, TX - Yesterday, TBNN reported the launch of AIROST (click here), the new airline of Lakewood Church. The airline will officially begin service on October 1st of this year.

Our inside sources at Lakewood informed TBNN today of an exciting announcement coming later this week. Pastor Osteen's latest book, entitled "Become a Better You," will be released on October 15th (that is not a joke). The exciting part is that anyone who travels via AIROST will receive a copy of Pastor Joel's new book absolutely free.

The pre-release advertisement for the book indicates that Osteen will tell us his "7 keys to improving your everyday life." While these seven secrets have been kept under lock-and-key prior to release, our sources at Lakewood have informed us of what they are fairly certain the seven will be.

Here they are:
1) Think positive thoughts.
2) Preach positive self-statements to yourself such as "I can do it," and, "I think I can."
3) Be good and do lots of good things.
4) Avoid negative people at all costs.
5) Refuse to accept feelings of guilt or dwell on the past.
6) Give generously to Lakewood Church. Remember, "God only loves a cheerful giver."
7) Smile a lot and be happy.

The book's forward was reportedly written by Dr. Phil.

We have also learned that even though the book will not hit the store shelves until October 15, "Become a Better You" will be waiting on the seats of AIROST starting October 1st. As you are flying, the book will help you relax, amaze you with Osteen's knowledge of the Hebrew and Greek, and cause you to look forward to the next great expository sermon series at Lakewood. So, if you want first access to Pastor Joel's key insights, you had better book your tickets today.

Order tickets online at www.baduseofyourhardearnedmoney.com.

8 comments:

Jon said...

okay i have a story to tell about this post. i subscribe to this blog on my google reader which makes it easy to email the post to a friend. i emailed this blog post to a friend who did not know it was just a joke. he thought this post was for real. so what does he do? he called joel olsteens church to try and verify it because he found it hard to believe. well the receptionist answered the phone and my friend was like..."uh, yeah...i was interested in flight information on the new airost plane." the receptionist said she wasn't sure what he was talking about. so he said.."well i have the article here in front of me talking about your new airplane and how you are flying people in from other parts of the country." she responded, "could you forward that article to me by e-mail?" to which he said sure and e-mailed the article. after e-mailing it he realized it was just a joke and the whole thing was over with. well i thought you all might like to hear that.

gjs said...

I heard the book also has a chapter on greek grammer commenting on the "airost" tense which translates any verb into a positive and happy one.

Elder Eric said...

gjs,

That is one of the best comments I have ever read. Great creativity.

Nice work, EE

gjs said...

Thanks for the encouragement, but apparently I can't spell before 8 AM . . . just so folks know I know the difference, it's grammar, not grammer.

Scott Gordon said...

Sub-title:

"The Little Christian that Could"

Darrin said...

Another suggested slogan: "If you fly with us, God will show up." I've thought it strange how J.O. speaks about God showing up when we think the right thoughts - Where was He before? Talk about human self-determination supplanting Providence ...

Sewing said...

GJS, that was absolutely brilliant!

Shaun said...

Hi everyone.... just remember to keep your eyes on Jesus and your let anything distract. Let him be the centre of your focus today... right now be cause He loves you more then you know it... he forgave all your sins... past present and future so that you can have the strength to sin NO more. We love Jesus because he first love us. If we can't recieve from the ministry of a certain minister of God we can look for another ministry... that's why Jesus blessed so many people to be ministers for Him. Be greatly blessed highly favoured and deeply loved by Jesus all the time... cause that will cause you to Reign in Life! Just turn your eyes upon Jesus.... trust in our great God for everything cause only He can satisfy!