04 July, 2007

Church Nixes Fourth of July Celebration to Avoid Offending People Who Hate America

CLAYTON, MARYLAND

The First Unitarian Universalist Church of Clayton is taking a new approach to celebrating the fourth of July this year...they are not. The church decided over the course of the last year that, because of the number of people in the world that hate the United States, that they would forgo celebrating her independence for fear of offending anyone.

"We know that so many people in the world hate this country" said the Rev. Linda Thorton-Mitchell. "We don't want to offend people who hate America by celebrating Independence Day. When you think of all that this country has historically stood for, freedom, Christian principals, liberty, etc. it is obvious to see how many people could be offended if we took the time to rejoice in what we have here as a nation."

The first Unitarian Universalist Church is joined also by the first United Church of Christ in Clayton, under pastor Clark LaGrange.

"If we celebrate freedom, we will undoubtedly offend those around the world who hate freedom" said LaGrange. "If we celebrate liberty, then dictatorships will be offended. And let's not forget the British! Think of how many British died because of the Revolutionary War. If we celebrate American independence then we are basically saying to our British friends 'I'm glad you're dead.' We just can't bring ourselves to do that."

The two churches have traditionally had church cookouts and fireworks displays to celebrate Independence Day, but this year the congregations will combine for a new cause they call "Freedom From Intolerance Day."

"There's a new revolution out there today that must be fought" said
Thorton-Mitchell. "We must gain our freedom from close minds and intolerance. We must overcome the oppression of unenlightened thinking. Give me homosexual marriage rights or give me death!"

The celebration will include a vegetarian cookout, complete with all organic foods, a dunk Al Mohler booth, and a pin the mouth gag on the fundamentalist game. Instead of a fireworks display to end the evening's festivities revelers will be invited to walk through a meditative labyrinth.

11 comments:

Bob Needles said...

cute

Alice C. said...

I love it! Sad thing is, there may actually be people doing it this way. I especially like the "meditative labyrinth" idea...

fletch said...

Funny post...reminded me of the tolerant idea of singing rounds of "My Country Tis of Thee" combined with "God Save the Queen" (same tune, alternating verses)...

But what really caught my attention this morning was the happy dog in the bottom of the picture?

Peter Kirk said...

If we celebrate American independence then we are basically saying to our British friends 'I'm glad you're dead.'

And to your Iraqi "friends". In view of what your country has been doing for the last five years or so you really ought to suspend your national self-congratulation and replace it with a time of mourning and national repentance, at least until you have learned that "liberty" does not mean invading other sovereign countries to impose on them your idea of liberty rather than the one they have chosen for themselves.

Meanwhile, if the separation between church and state means anything, no churches should be celebrating nationalistic holidays of this kind.

Elder Eric said...

Peter,

Let's all relax just a bit. For those of you who do not yet realize this, Tominthebox is satire.

-EE

Josh said...

Your posts are usually so ridiculously satirical (e.g. Rick Warren becoming a Calvinist and joining Together for the Gospel) that I had to pinch myself and realize that this was not taken out of the UCC's monthly newsletter. As someone who spent middle school and high school going to a UCC church, this is sadly the state of affairs there.

And Peter,
"at least until you have learned that "liberty" does not mean invading other sovereign countries to impose on them your idea of liberty rather than the one they have chosen for themselves."

You have got to be joking!!! Chosen for themselves or had imposed on them by a religion that promotes terrorism.

You may want to check this out for a little reality check http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/

Robin Edgar said...

U*Us may want to check this out for a little Independence Day reality check. . .

millerpla.net said...

What's with the dog?

Tominthebox News Network said...

The dog is a symbol of American freedom and all that is good and wholesome in this country. There's a dog in the photograph because I'm proud to be an American! You'd do well to like the dog too, unless you're a Commie.

-Tomski

Fred said...

I'm offended. I hate people who hate America!

Tim said...

The First Unitarian Universalist Church of Clayton is taking a new approach to celebrating the fourth of July this year...they are not. The church decided over the course of the last year that, because of the number of people in the world that hate the United States, that they would forgo celebrating her independence for fear of offending anyone.

If it were a real U-U 'church', there would probably be a sizable chunk of the congregation itself that hated America.