14 July, 2007

The Broadman Message Remix Hymnal

Buckhead, GA – There's a new item on the shelves, the Broadman Message Remix Hymnal (Hymns in Contemporary Language). Broadman acknowledges that they have changed the original titles and most of the words. But they claim the lyrics still convey the message of each original song, all with no loss of true spiritual substance. "It's truly stealth, man. Like, dude, we're getting all the vibe with none of the useless rap," said 18 year old Jesse Iron. Jesse continued, "The songs in the old hymnal were, you know, so boring, and I was always left confused. This is, like, a great compromise. I know the old peoples will grow spiritually by using more modern language. Probably most important to them is they still get to hold a book. If that's what is important to them, I can put up with it."
Others like Jesse never understood the old hymns. "I gots a real craving for the Word, my brother. What's the dizzle in this hizzle? 'thithers' and 'bulwarks' ? I mean, 'Here I raise mine Ebenezer, Hither by thy help I'm come.' fo rizzle my brother!" said Jerome Patterns, 16.

"It a marvelous example of sociolinguistics at work," says Martha Whitting, co-editor and Lead Minister of Music at The True Way congregation in Buckhead, Georgia. "The Broadman Message Remix Hymnal has managed to capture the actual souls of the dead writers," said Whitting.

Armed with a review copy, the TBNN representatives were glad to see a dual table of contents. The first was an alphabetized list of the songs listed by the new title. The second was a list by the old title. It was also helpful that this Remix version contained actual page numbers. For example, on page 247, Be Thou My Vision had been altered from the original to I Need You to See for Me. Here is the reworded song:

I need you to see for me
See for me, see for me, see for me, see for me
Before I stub my toe in the dark, see for me

I need you to be my brain,
My brain, my brain, my brain, my brain,
You're no substitute teacher, pack my brain

I need you to watch my back
Watch my back, watch my back, watch my back, watch my back
You've got me covered, on the lookout, watch watch watch

I need only the heavenly bling
No man's rap just Heavenly bling, Heavenly bling
No Dollar Tree treasures, jut your bling, bling bling bling

From now on, you're the only true coach
Victory's certain, victory's certain, victory's certain
Despite the current scoreboard, see that I win

"The Broadman Message Remix Hymnal is much better than just a Bible," said Bailey Barnes. "We are supposed to worship in spirit and in truth. I've never gotten much spirit sitting around in a Bible study. Everyone's just acting like Pharisees, like they are really trying to gain some great truths. But the songs in the Message Remix are truth and spirit mixed all in one book."

More popular titles include:
We're Cross Inspecting (When I Survey the Wondrous Cross)
Jesus is my Bodyguard (A Mighty Fortress is Our God)
Fill My Swimming Pool (Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing)
1-2-3, God Bless Me (Count Your Blessings) by Oatman, Excell, Osteen, and Elder’s Wife
Defibrillate My Soul (Revive Us Again) by Mackay, Husband, and Elder’s Wife
I’m Totally Cool with God (It Is Well With My Soul) by by Spafford, Bliss, and Alice C.
Get Those Hands Up (Lift High The Cross) by Nicholson, Kitchin, and Brian Hamrick
I’m Happy, Yo (Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee) by Beethoven, Dyke, and Brian Hamrick


Rob said...

Just too funny!!

As someone who grew up knowing and loving the classic pentecostal hymns, this really made me laugh. I just wish you'd included some "updated" versions of other hymns too.


Rob, Normandy, France

Brother Slawson said...


Hey... I like the idea of seeing more titles... you guys feel free to comment with some "new" titles?

Rhett said...

This is probably in the not-too-distant future!!


Liz said...

gimme more. You guys are great.

pilgrim said...

I atually have a copy of the Broadman Hymnal, and I'm tempted to go re-write it now...

elder's wife said...

How about adding "1-2-3, God Bless Me" (a special arrangement by Joel Osteen) in place of "Count Your Blessings"?

elder's wife said...

Or, maybe..
"Defibrillate My Soul!" formerly "Revive Us Again"

Alice C. said...

My favorite hymn is "I'm Totally Cool with God" formerly "It Is Well With My Soul."

Brian Hamrick said...

"Get Those Hands Up" captures in a fresh way the original composition, "Lift High the Cross";

I also found "I'm Happy, Yo" a nice update from "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee"

Brother Slawson said...

Ok... for fun, I added the new ones to the original post. Thanks for "looking these up" for me.