GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN
Zondervan Publishing announced on Monday that they plan to release yet another English translation of the Bible in 2008. The new translation known as Today's New American International Revised Standard English Christian Contemporary Living King James Message Version will feature, what Zondervan calls "the best of every English translation out there."
The TNAIRSECCLKJMV (called the 't-nair-seckle-k.j.m.-vee' for short) began five years ago as an effort to produce the "absolute best and perfect translation of the Bible in English."
"This is the culmination of many years of scholarship and study" said Kurt James, editor in charge of the translation. "When this comes out next year this will be the absolute best English translation that you can buy. I have no doubt that the t-nair-seckle-k.j.m.-vee will become the most popular and most widely read English translation in the world in just a few short years."
The TNAIRSECCLKJMV claims to be the first English translation that accurately "captures every nuance and subtlety of the original languages" making it "the last English translation that will ever need to be done." As a result Zondervan plans to also include a campaign to "trade in your old Bible."
"Once you have the t-nair-seckle-k.j.m.-vee you will never need any other translation of the Bible" said James. "You will also never here another pastor who uses this translation ever reference the Greek or Hebrew again because this translation perfectly captures every meaning of every Greek, Hebrew or Aramaic word."
Zondervan further claims that the TNAIRSECCLKJMV is also the first English translation in which all issues of translation that were once controversial in the past have been resolved.
"There were absolutely no disputes over any translations when we got done" said James. "We feel so confident in this translation that from now when we put the Bible into any other language we're going to translate it not from the originals but from the t-nair-seckle-k.j.m.-vee. No other English translation can claim that."
The TNAIRSECCLKJMV is set to be released in the last spring of 2008. The Bible will be available in bonded leather, genuine leather, calf skin, hardback, pew, wide-margin, extra large print, extra small print, and pocket sized in a variety of colors. Zondervan also plans to release multiple study versions of the Bible for teens, women, young men, old men, married men, single men, single women, married women, divorced men, divorced women, men contemplating marriage, women contemplating marriage, men contemplating divorce, women contemplating murder, teens contemplating dating, dating men, dating women, old people with pets, old people with teens, teens who live with old people, and people with lisps.