16 June, 2007

No More Paris Hilton


MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE

At Evenridge Baptist Church in Memphis, Pastor Joel Davis and his congregation are adamently opposed to all of the Paris Hilton news. "Why must she be on the news every hour of every day?" The answer to this question has kept him up late almost every night for the past 3 weeks. "I turn on the news... Paris Hilton. I turn on the radio... Paris Hilton. I log onto the web... Paris Hilton. I stand in line at the grocery... Paris Hilton. Everywhere, everywhere... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton. Why won't it end? Why is she so deserving of all the media coverage? Isn't there something better we can talk about?"

Pastor Davis is so disturbed that he has begun an 8 part sermon series entitled, "Why the Media Should Stop Talking about Paris Hilton." Part 1 of the series, "Paris Hilton: Who is She Anyway?" was a 45 minute sermon describing her life to date. Pastor Davis presented an overview of Hilton's life and pointed out just how unscriptural most of it is." Part 2 of the series, "Paris Hilton: Money Can't Buy Attention" will be preached as this Sunday's sermon. In the second sermon, Pastor Davis plans to point out how money and attention are not linked. Pastor Davis expects the remainder of the 8 part sermon series (each approximately 45 minutes) to be as follows:

Part 3 "Paris Hilton: We Already Know Everything"
Part 4 "Paris Hilton: Stop Talking About Her"
Part 5 "Paris Hilton: We Don't Need to See Her Picture Anymore" (a PowerPoint Presentation proving beyond a doubt that we already know what she looks like)
Part 6 "Paris Hilton: She's no Anna Nicole"
Part 7 "Paris Hilton: What Else Could Possibly Be Said?"
and finally
Part 8 (The Conclusion) "Paris Hilton: She's Really Not Worth All the Attention"

"I'm so excited about this series," said Sabrina Wilkes, 23. "Pastor Davis is very knowledgeable about Paris. Even I didn't know some of the things he mentioned. I hope others can listen to his online sermon. He makes some really good points. I really need to reconsider why I spend so much of my day keeping up with her latest information. I agree with Pastor Davis. The media is spending way too much time on her. I feel convicted to return for the rest of this series. I'm going to try to get my friends to come too."

"He's right! He's right!" said Martha Holmes, Sunday School teacher for the college and career class. "The young people in my class are constantly bombarded with useless information in the media. I pray they take Pastor Davis' advice and boycott certain news programs."

"I've already ordered the boycott kit," said William Jetters. "I and three of my friends were able to compose a very well written personal letter to the news networks last night in a little less than 4 hours. We plan to get serious about leading one of the local Paris Hilton boycott chapters set up by Pastor Davis."

Pastor Davis wants Tominthebox to let everyone know they should not worry if they miss any of the sermons. At the end of the series, all 8 sermons will be recapped during a 2-day "No More Paris Hilton" conference. Four sermons will be covered Friday, August 10th from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm with registration beginning at 7:30. Four will be covered on Saturday, August 11th. The conference will take place at the Majestic Marriot (formerly a Hilton) at 100 Hilton Avenue.

8 comments:

Kim from Hiraeth said...

This is a classic!

Sewing said...

To quote Basil Fawlty's famous line in Fawlty Towers in which he's obsessing over some German hotel guests,

"Whatever you do, do not mention the war!"

pilgrim said...

This may help you out on the search engines.

This sort of approach does happen in the church--you've taken it a step further--and made me laugh, but unfortunately I don't have trouble believing something similar could really happen.

Fred said...

that's HOT!

Lee Shelton said...

Will these sermons be available for download from SermonAudio.com or iTunes?

Joseph said...

Quick-- try not to think of a large pink elephant...

jen elslager said...

Paris who?

;)

Chris said...

Hilarious.

Seriously, I've begun praying for Paris, she may be on the road to repentance and salvation!