14 June, 2007

Letter From the Editor

Dear Mrs. P-R__________

Thank you for your recent email regarding the Tominthebox News Network Blog site. It is very obvious, though, that you do not care for our site. I am sorry that you find the site "repulsive" and "cursed."

You mentioned in your email that you are currently engaged in praying "imprecations" against us here at Tominthebox. While we wish you would not do this, we completely and totally understand if this is what you must do. Might I suggest several ideas for your imprecatory prayers;

  • Smite him hip and thigh
This is an oldie but a goodie. We will both know, then, if I suddenly become crippled one day whether or not your prayers have been heard.
  • Let him be stoned
This is probably a less common imprecation, but it sure is a neat idea. As you yourself brought up in your email my "offenses" are such that I am "worthy to be cast forth from the camp and stoned." I have never been stoned before (though I was hit in the head once with a dirt clod while I was in the Boy Scouts by Roger Waguspack, but that is a different story.) I imagine if it ever comes to pass that it will be an unpleasant experience.

  • Let him be stricken with a sudden incomprehension of the English language
While, again, this is not necessarily an imprecation found in Scripture, this would undoubtedly bring an end to this website (at least the English version of it, as I might, conversely, be granted the ability to suddenly speak another language as a form of judgment against those people, i.e. Japanese, Korean, Ki Swahili, etc.)

So I hope those suggestions help you in your pursuit of my destruction. I invite you to please continue reading the website at your leisure.

As to an address where you can come "protest" me, we are currently in the process of moving overseas to St. Petersburg, Russia. You are more than welcome to come and protest us there. Might I suggest that when you come you also bring signs condemning current Russian President Vladimir Putin and protest right in front of the United Russia party office. I can assure you if you do that your protest will be greatly noticed.

Sincerely,
Tom Slawson
http://tominthebox.blogspot.com

P.S. You accused me of not believing in the King James Bible. Of course I believe in it. I have seen it!

12 comments:

Fletch said...

what? no pox?
fletch

Sewing said...

Searching Big Dictionary of Initials of Who's Who in Christian History for P-R....

Naomi F. said...

"You accused me of not believing in the King James Bible. Of course I believe in it. I have seen it!"

I have to stop reading this blog at work. Man. It's jewels like that that make me wish I still had a Facebook page, so I could post it on the "famous quotes" section.

I may just have to create a new sidebar thingee on my blog for this.

Lee Shelton said...

I gotta see this e-mail!

Hiraeth said...

And what about emerods?

As for the KJV Onlyists, I would ask what they have to say about the 1588 William Morgan Bible?

And yes, it does seem a little silly to accuse someone of not believing in the King James Bible.

Anonymous said...

As a former indy fundy, my guess it that the comment is Mrs. Ruckman is taking a cue from Tammy Wynette and is standing by her man...

Sewing said...

Anonymous: Well, I'll be!

Tom: More please, more!

Chris said...

Well, at least Mrs. Ruckman didn't offer to 'smite you under the fifth rib'.

Kenj said...

I'm neither as funny as you nor my husband Fletch, but this just cracked me up!

Timotheus said...

The final paragraph about Russia was pure class! Had me convulsed! I almost thought I was slain in the Spirit!

P.S. Ruckman, Jr. said...

It is difficult for me to imagine that the current Mrs. (to the other Dr.) Ruckman would use a word like "imprecations." Drawing on my fine command of the language, I will not elaborate :-)

Furrowcious said...

My problem is, I've never actually seen King James. Not even a photo. So much doubt now...