30 May, 2007

Mac-Using Youth Minister "Annoys the Fire" out of Church Staff

RIVERWOOD, PENNYSYLVANIA

At Riverwood Church of God the staff has "had enough." Six weeks ago the church's youth minster, Christopher Marcus bought himself a new MacBook, getting rid of his old Dell notebook computer, and since that time all of the rest of the staff have had nothing but grief.

"At first I find Christopher's enthusiasm quite amusing" said the church secretary, Darcie Long. "He was very proud of his new computer, and to be honest, I really thought it was neat. I had never seen a Mac before, but it looked nice, and did lots of interesting things. But day after blessed day he just kept telling me how awful my computer was. How 'Windows XP is the operating system of the antichrist.' It just got old."

"He talks about his new computer as if he's had some kind of second blessing" said Peter Sharpe, Riverwood's associate pastor. "When he talks about his new MacBook he says things like 'I've seen the light' and 'with my Mac I never stumble.' I'm just sick of him talking to us like we're idiots because we still use PCs."

Marcus' enthusiasm over his new computer has even made into lessons he teaches the church's youth.

"Christopher was telling us about all of the evil things that Bill Gates has done" said fifteen year-old Thomas Parker. "He showed us how Bill Gate's name can be converted to mean 666 and how the letters 'XP' are actually the two Greek letters that this guy Constantine saw in the clouds, making the Roman Empire Christian. It can only mean that Windows is evil."

As a result of Marcus' influence, many of the church's youth have refused to do their homework on their families' computers, thus angering many of the parents.

"I'm happy he likes his new computer, but it's been six weeks now, and something has got to give" said Jim Carville, the church's pastor. "I don't care what kind of computer he uses, he just needs to move on and quit annoying the fire out of the rest of us."

DISCLAIMER: I am a Mac user. I love my Mac. I personally think Mac is better than PC. I just thought it made a funny story. See, I can laugh at myself. So please don't send me any hate mail or start telling me how wonderful your Mac is. Believe me, I already know!

14 comments:

Sewing said...

Is this what we're going to see from Phil in the coming days?

Peter Kirk said...

Oh dear, the apostasy I warned about is spreading fast!

Char said...

Wow he even connected xp to that wicked fourth century! That's VERY persuasive as we all know the fourth century just ruined everything. Obviously the ante-nicene church was a mac using utopia.

Stephen Newell said...

While this is, indeed, funny I still can't get over the "letter." That was the cream of the cream of the cream of the crop of the crop.

Sewing said...

Oh man, I just skimmed the first time thru (I never skim, but my wife wanted to use the computer), and totally missed the "XP" reference. That was a stroke of genius. No wonder all you guys (and gals?) are Mac users—you've caught on to the pernicious influence of Rome!

Lance said...

Nonsense, of course. Any self-respecting geek knows the TRUE second blessing is Ubuntu Linux.

fletch/themangotimes.com said...

in the middle of the garden God placed the tree...the fruit is often depicted as an apple... coincidence? i think not...
proof=God liked macs!

AspiringTheologian said...

Nice - the XP as the Chi-Rho was very witty. This is a brilliant post - how you imagine this stuff I cannot guess.

In Christ,
The Aspiring Theologian

Knight of the Living God

Sewing said...

Uncanny—not to take anything away from Tom, but there may be something to the "chi rho" connection, but not exactly as the first two letters in Christos.

Tominthebox News Network said...

Lance said...

Nonsense, of course. Any self-respecting geek knows the TRUE second blessing is Ubuntu Linux.

Lance, I've gotta say that any operating system (i.e. Ubuntu) that sounds like a dance one does without any clothes on just can't be good.

I like the simplicity of the Mac operating system name, it's just O.S. for "Operating System." When they starting coming out with "Kalamakalumba Mac" then I'll consider other options.

-Tom

Andy said...

Fletch,

I think you missed the point of the "fruit" it has a bite taken out of it so it is clearly a symbol of the sin in the garden so then would this mean that Macs are tool used by the serpent to deceive faithful PC users?
:)

Jeff said...

"He talks about his new computer as if he's had some kind of second blessing"

BECAUSE HE HAS!!!! Hello ?!?!?!?

Brian Purkiss said...

Wow... That is a bit overboard...

but still...
...macs ROCK!

Fred Butler said...

I have heard a MAC conversion is similar to a person awakening to the Doctrines of Grace. Furthermore, I have seen a resurgence of Mac converters among the neo-Calvinists.

Which begs the question: When will Dave Hunt write the book, "What Computer is This?