29 May, 2007

Hillary Delivers "Powerful" Sermon


Presidential hopeful Senator Hillary Clinton paid a campaign visit to Montgomery this past weekend and spent Sunday preaching in several churches in the area. Clinton began her "Lord's Day" at Lakeside Presbyterian Church where the Senator spoke to the congregation from Romans 8:29-30.

"It says here that 'those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son'" said Clinton. "What we have here is an undeniable statement of sovereignty. To 'foreknow' here does not merely mean to look ahead in time and see what is going to happen. God did not make his choice of us because he knew that we would choose him, but because he set his love upon his elect from all eternity."

Clinton's sermon went almost an hour during which time she further exegeted the passage from Romans at times referencing others whom she admired.

"I count the great 19th-century Baptist preacher C.H. Spurgeon to be one of my greatest influences" said Clinton. "And in regards to this passage he states '
We are not to be passive like wood or marble; we are to be prayerful, watchful, fervent, diligent, obedient, earnest, and believing, but still the work is God's.' And we find this to be wholly true. Predestination doesn't mean we become idle, but active!"

After her sermon Clinton closed the service by leading the congregation in the singing of "Holy, Holy, Holy." She remained around after the service to talk to people answering their questions about doctrinal matters.

"If one wants to better understand the Bible one first must pray" she said. "But we also have wonderful resources out there to draw from in our understanding of Scripture. Some of my personal favorites are John Owen, Spurgeon and Calvin. But I also recommend reading biographies too. I was inspired by the life of George Muller in my early days."

Clinton went on to say that she was not overly concerned about the upcoming presidential election in 2008.

"If I win I win, and if I lose I lose. While I'm pressing on with hopes of winning I'm not going to let it consume my life. I've got other things lined up for next year, and at the top of that list is speaking at the Together for the Gospel conference. I'm really looking forward to meeting Al Mohler. I've been a great admirer of his for some time."


Malachi_Abaddon said...

Loved the label. Still have to stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

That's all fine and good, but how many people responded to the invitation?

Jeff said...

Hallelujah! God has answered our prayers!

Religion Roundtable said...

I guess hubby Bill wasn't able to slip any Calvinix into her sweet tea.

Pastor John said...

I was wondering why she was listed on the Together for the Gospel website. :)

Sewing said...

If she's Reformed, she can't be that bad after all....

Matt Gerrelts said...

hmmmm....I guess that changes my vote.

Anonymous said...

Once upon a time, God approached Adam in the garden.

"Adam", God said..."You now have to make a choice. You can choose to sin, or you can choose to not sin. Which one?"

To this, Adam replied: "But God, the only option that I see in front of me is to sin."

God said, "I know. Make your choice."

"But God, where is my option to not sin?"

"Adam, I have not made you able to pick that option. You are only able to choose to sin, not to do that which is good and pleasing to me. Now make your choice"

"But God, if I have but the one option in front of me, which is to sin, how can you call that a choice? What kinda choice is it when you only have one option? That's no choice at all!"

"I know, Adam...yet for some reason the Calvinists have to explain sin. And rather than realize that I gave you the choice to sin or not sin, they've decided to make your choice no choice at all. Otherwise, I'm not sovereign."

"But God, being sovereign means you know if I'll sin and if I'll believe the gospel. It doesn't mean you have to force me to, or to make that choice for me."

"I know, my son. However, those crazy reformed people are content to believe that they're mere puppets to which I pull all strings."

"They're weird, God."

"You're telling me, Adam."

Tominthebox News Network said...


Brilliant! That's a tremendous story. It truly entertained me and tugged at my existential heartstrings warming the cockles all the way. It wonderfully summarizes a view of a God (god) who can be surprised, bushwhacked and caught off guard. A God (god) who is sitting in heaven constantly wringing his hands wondering if things are going to work out.

But, unfortunately this little story doesn't appear in the Bible, and the God of the Bible is quite different. All we read in the Genesis account is that the serpent deceived Adam and Eve and that they sinned. We later find out that God "worketh ALL THINGS after the counsel of his own will" (Ephesians 1:11). God is not the author of sin, but nothing takes place outside of his sovereign will.

We could go round and round.

Charming little diddy though. It gives me some great ideas for future posts.


Eric said...

Why do all of these Arminians and Open Theists leave comments on this site as "Anonymous"? Maybe it's because they are too scared to leave their names because they know they cannot back up what they think with a fair reading of scripture.

Anonymous said...

So you're telling me that Adam could have chose not to sin?

Anonymous said...

"It wonderfully summarizes a view of a God (god) who can be surprised, bushwhacked and caught off guard. A God (god) who is sitting in heaven constantly wringing his hands wondering if things are going to work out."

Not at all. God knows who will trust Him and who won't. After all, He IS God. He'll not be surprised at all.

"God is not the author of sin, but nothing takes place outside of his sovereign will."

Again, the question remains. Could Adam have chosen not to sin?

ajlin said...


Y'know, when people like "Anonymous" come on StrangeBaptistFire.com and post a long comment that is completely off topic. I usually delete their comment with absolutely no pang of conscience because they were completely off topic; otherwise, these kinds of comments made by people with agendas can waste an awful lot of your time.

Just some advice. [Feel free to delete this comment.]


Tominthebox News Network said...


This is the last response I am going to make to this. Your comments are terribly off topic. The whole point of the original post was to find humor in the fact that Hillary Clinton would be delivering a Biblically exegetical sermon of any kind. Your divergence into a debate on the freedom of Adam is like unto a man who walks into an old storage warehouse and complains because the curtains are not the right color. But I'll humor you for the last time.

First of all, the problem with Arminian theology is that God is not a God of the details. You state that God knows what will happen and is sovereign (somehow) yet basically has no power to control it. To be sovereign means to have control not just to know something. I know that Satan will be cast into the lake of fire someday, that doesn't mean I'm sovereign over Satan.

So you believe that God knows who will choose him, but does not exercise control over the events that ensure that person choosing him. That's bad reasoning. For an end to take place assuredly the means to that end must be fixed or else that end will not happen. If God has not ordained whatsoever comes to pass then we might as well throw Revelation 21 & 22 out of the window because while God sees a future he is not in control of.

So to answer your question Adam freely chose to sin, yet it was part of God's sovereign decree that it take place.

End of discussion. If you wish to continue complaining about the curtains feel free to do so. I won't delete your comments as long as you stay within the guidelines.

Again to remind you, this is a religious satire site with clear and distinctive Reformed theological persuasions. You've walked into my "restaurant" and we always serve Reformed "dishes" with a side of humor. You're welcome to come any time, but if you don't like the food then try Caner's Cafe down the street. You can freely choose anything you want from the menu.


pilgrim said...

As Charles Spurgeon once remarked--Free Will never got anybody into heaven.

I love the twist in the Hilary story.

USpace said...

She's so phony, she's a commie, so probably an atheist too.

Hillary is hated by many Dems too, I just visited a blog called 'democrats against Hillary'. My friend's wife is a Democrat and retired NY teacher and she hates Hillary, so there is hope. I think only Rudy can beat her.

Great stuff, the PIAPS must be stopped!

if you're MAD
punish your country
- VOTE for Hillary

Joshua A. Hitchcock said...

I guess if she really wants to be biblical though...then she would read the part about women not having authority over men.....but that's not a big deal is it?

Puritan Lad said...

I guess Jesus Christ was slain from the foundation of the world, just in case Adam decided to sin. It was a good thing that God took the precaution, eh? :)

Jeff said...

Who knew Satire could be such fodder for theology... I mean who other than God?