09 January, 2007

Robertson Declares Himself the Winner of the 2008 Presidential Election.

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA

In a bold statement that has upset many the Reverend Pat Robertson, founder of the 700 Club and the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN), has claimed victory in the 2008 Presidential election.

"Today, I would like to formally announce that I will win, and therefore have won, the election." Said Robertson at a press conference. "The people have spoken."

During the press conference Robertson, speaking in the past tense, gave a detailed account of how he had received the Republican nomination unanimously, "destroyed" Democratic opponent Jonathan Edwards in two live debates, and finally won the election with 67% of the popular vote and a majority of the votes from the electoral college.

Robertson furthermore, in light of what he called "unstoppable truths," called for all campaigns to end and the 2008 election to be canceled.

"God told me that I was going to be elected to the office of President of the United States. There's no stopping it. Canceling the 2008 election would save our country a lot of time and money, not to mention headaches."

Robertson campaigned unsuccessfully for the 1988 Republican nomination for president, but has since been very involved in politics.

3 comments:

Sewing said...

Geez, I hardly even dare comment on this one, but touché.

Nora said...

TomintheBox, I just discovered your web site via Monday Morning Insight, and when I read this I laughed until I cried. Hilarious!

Scott Harris said...

I too found your site from MMI.

This doesn't surprise me but could you point your readers to the press conference you're referring to? I could not find it anywhere.